Weight loss burnout as a carer
I am carer for husband of 60 years, with stage 4 copd and chf, oxygen 24/7 and can only walk small slow steps to next room with a zimmer frame, i do everything for him, he has a catheter aswell now and in general is deteriorating a lot since last hospitalisation. I am getting more and more upset, crying, and not really eating properly and have now lost a lot of weight, anyone else experiencing this.
Hi
. Welcome to the community! I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry you're both going through this. Caring for someone you love, especially after 60 years together, can be physically and emotionally draining. It sounds like you've been carrying an incredible load on your shoulders.
Many caregivers in our community have shared that they've been overwhelmed, experienced feelings of grief and let their own health suffer while caring for a loved one with advanced COPD. You're certainly not alone.
I'm concerned to hear that you're crying often, not eating well, and losing weight though. Your well-being matters too. If you haven't already, it may be worth letting your GP or another healthcare professional know how you're feeling. You deserve support just as much as your husband does.
Do you have other family members who help or might be willing to help, maybe someone who can give you time off, even if it's only a few hours? Have you looked into palliative care or hospice? Both services are usually covered by insurance with a referral from your doctor. Not only will they help with your husband's care but they will offer you a shoulder to lean on and respite services as well.
I hope some of our members who have been in a similar situation will share what helped them cope. In the meantime, please know we're here for you, and I'm glad you reached out. 💙
Warm wishes. - Lori (Team Member)Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me, he has been ill for a long time now but this last 6 months it has progressed very fast. i have a carer morning and one to help with bed in the evenings, but i will keep him at home for as long as i can It upsets me a lot these days, and the tell tale is my weight loss and i wasnt big to begin with, so much stress and worry, the worst of it is seeing a big man who has been my Rock for 60 years reduced to a thin fragile man who has little quality of life left. One of the worries i have now is being ill and not being able to care for him here, We never had children, my few relatives are hundreds of miles away, we are retired to Scotland, so i am the sole carer, the weight loss worried me thinking the worst that i had cancer or something but people are telling me, its because of the extreme stress with no one to lean on and lack of eating myself, My husband does not want food i try my best and with the worry i hvent had an appetite either.
Those vows we took sickness and health, til death do us Part, through all the years never gave them a thought, but now they are coming into play. 3 of my old friends of many years are all widows now, i ask them how they found a reason to go on, as i cant see one for myself really, no children just my pets. dont i sound a billy no mates.... but over the long years, many of our friends have passed on themselves.
I hadnt banked on this when we retired, ageing is the pits.
. Hi Maureen, I love this photo of you two! Thanks for sharing it. Having no children for support must make everything harder. How fortunate you are to have each other though. A bond as strong as yours that has lasted so long is most definitely something to treasure.
My brother and brother-in-law both lost their spouses over this past decade. Both were deeply in love with their wives and certain they wouldn't be able to go on after they passed. But, over time, they came to realize how angry their spouses would be to see them give up on life and living. They forced themselves to dig deeper and find joy. Neither has remarried and I don't think they ever will, but they have new friends and new passions, and they seem happy. They also enjoy talking about the good times with their wives. They've learned to embrace the good memories even when the grief hits.
I hope that happens for you.
You are always welcome to vent here. That's what we're here for -- to offer support and a safe place to blow off steam. I hope you'll stick around and draw from the strength of this community to pull you through.
Hugs. - Lori (Team Member)
Thank you for your advice, i typed a long reply, but it has got lost. will write again when i get some time. kind regards, Maureen.
Hi Maureen. Images have to be approved by a moderator, so sometimes posts that include photos don't show up right away. Your post finally did appear and I responded, so you shouldn't have to type that all over again. You two were and are a beautiful couple. I can really see the love and joy in this picture. - Lori (Team Member)
Thankyou Lori, it seems so long ago now sometimes, but others just a short time ago that we tied the knot.
