caret icon Back to all discussions

Am I just being unrealistic?

Hi,
Ok I am glad to have found this sight.
I am married and my spouse Dan has COPD. he was told this 10 yrs ago. He is now retired and its come down to him being on oxygen 24/7
He leaves the house maybe once a week.
We saw Dr yesterday , she said he is where he should be. maybe its myself who should see a counselor since I seem to be having the problems.
I guess I just want my husband back. Which is something that is not going to happen. He used to go to Alaska and Africa and hunt big game. He worked 24/7 in the first 10 yrs of our marriage. We had plans on him taking me to Hawaii, Africa and all sorts of exciting places.
The reality now 20 yesrs after is he stays on couch , unless he is in bed. We dont even go out to eat.
I have started going places for a few days to up to 2 weeks without him. He has no problem with this,.
I guess I am just wanting what cant be.
I feel so alone. Lovemaking is something we no longer do. I am just house keeper , go fer person and cry myself to sleep at nights.
There has got to be more to life than this. But where do you draw the line?
Thanks to anyone who has mande it this far into my rant.
Vikki

  1. When I first got really ill with this COPD and it kind of took over my life, I had a lot of fear about every aspect of my life. Some of it has come true, I think that's inevitable, but a lot of it is just my magic magnifying mind. Yes, I can no longer do a lot of things I could just a couple of years ago, but I can still walk and talk and eat and engage with others. A very important part of my road to adjusting to living with COPD has been being lucky enough to have several caregivers who have been very encouraging and who pushed me to be more positive and try harder. I still fear it will one day take all I value, but I am not there yet, and as long as I can I will keep trying to be better, to improve my health and ability to do things, and that is thanks to those folks who taught me how to do that. My Doctors, Therapists, Nurses, most have been very helpful about my attitude - sometimes I need a good scolding or at least a reminder or it's easy to slip into that fear and become self-isolating and depressed. That doesn't work well with COPD - it takes effort and attitude. Sounds to me like Dan cold be experiencing similar things and might benefit from some of that help. To me COPD is like a fitness program that challenges me to win back lost ground while I can and not waste time sitting around with my lip stuck out. It is working for me - it's not easy, but it can help me feel better both physically and emotionally, which makes me better able to be with others and do more living. Just some of my observations. Your Dan is in my prayers and so are you. I wish you a more positive outcome each day, and a little more hope too. Even just a little a day makes a difference.

    1. I am hoping this will work. Iso need for him to be better. I have watched several of the help videos you have on this site and I pass it all onto Dan.
      Thanks Leon,
      Vicki


      1. Hi Vicki - glad to hear you've been able to share he material with your husband, Dan. Equally important, I was so glad to hear his visit with the pulmonologist today went so well.
        Please know we are always here for you!
        Leon (site moderator COPD.net)


    2. Hi again, Vikki - I see this is the post you referred to in our earlier conversation about Dan. (for ease of reference, here is a link to that conversation: https://copd.net/forums/traveling#reply-104059). I was able to provide a response there a few minutes ago - I do hope you had an opportunity to see it).

      The candor with which you expressed yourself here has touched me - my heart goes out to you! I didn't realize that the two of you had such plans and dreams!
      From my professional experience, I subscribe to the 'always keep trying' mentality. Where there is life, there is hope!
      I would encourage you to keep trying with Dan. In our earlier conversation, you spoke about antidepressants being prescribed for him. With the right team of physicians and medications, perhaps Dan can get himself back on track - especially with you in his corner!
      With the upcoming pulmonary physician appointment, combined with the new medication and even the (suggested) counseling (for both of you), you can work towards an improvement.
      If there is anything we can do to assist you, please let me or any other moderator / team member know.
      We have many knowledgeable and experienced team members and community members here in our online community. I am hopeful others will chime in here with their own personal words of encouragement.
      Warm regards,
      Leon (site moderator COPD.net)

      or create an account to reply.