My BF has stage 3 COPD.. I am totally lost.
Hello folks! I thought I'd register here and hear your thoughts, I'm kind of alone with mine at the moment. My BF is 48 years old, and has -pretty recently- been told he's up to stage 3 COPD now. (55% lung volume at the time, I know other variables matter for stage evaluation, too.)
I'm worried about him, especially because:
- his standard answer to my concerns is "Weed don't die" or same such avoidant garbage.
- He smokes 3 packs of strong cigs a day.
- He works a job where he gets dusted in often and has to be active a lot for his job.
- All his friends are smokers, and he sits in smoke filled rooms a lot. (Just an hour makes my lungs burn, and I'm not even sick...)
- He infrequently takes his meds (His usual is Trimbow) because "he's feeling fine anyway".
He is the most stubborn person I know concerning health. I've pretty much been reduced to putting up with it, it IS his life and his decision anyway.
I'm just worried that at this rate.. he won't have that much longer for us to be active together, and when the time comes, I can't even properly help, or things will spiral out of control real fast real soon. I'm kind of lost and in over my head right now.
Anyone know how long until this gets critical for him? What's bound to happen to him next? WIll I lose him soon? How quickly will his condition deteriorate if he continues on like this? Can or should I help? If so, how? If he's stage 3, how can he still be fit enough to work as a plumber on a building site all day?
He's stubborn and pretty much grew up with a major "suck everything up and overplay it" thing. He's too old to change that, think he'd sooner wilt in an intensive care station than do that sadly. I'm also tired of mentioning it because it's getting me nowhere and I don't wanna strain the relationship or be a party pooper.
I have so many questions and nobody to answer them. I'm also totally at a loss. Cheers guys and sorry for my rambles. I'm glad I found you guys!
Hi
, first let me say, I'm so glad you have found our community! We are here to offer any support we can or even just someone to talk to. I hear how difficult and overwhelming this time has been for you. I'm sure many of our community members can chime in with their experiences but in the meantime, I wanted to share some information with you on being newly diagnosed, quitting smoking and being a caregiver. You can find them all here: https://copd.net/living/coping-strategies, https://copd.net/pulmonary-rehab/lifestyle/quitting-smoking, https://copd.net/clinical/why-quitting-smoking-is-so-hard, https://copd.net/caregivers, https://copd.net/caregiver/faqs-caregiving-part-1. All the best, Sam S. (Team Member). 
Hi StriveinMoo, and thanks for your post. I will echo what my colleague,, has said and, encourage you to look over the material for which she provided links when you have an opportunity.
In addition, I thought you might also be interested in this information which focuses on the management of this condition: https://copd.net/living/managing-tips .
You have certainly come to the right place, as our community is familiar with what you are feeling and what you'd like to do to assist your boyfriend.
If there is anything we can assist you with, please let me or any other moderator / team member know.
Please remember, you are always welcome here!
Warm regards,
Leon (site moderator)Hi Samantha! Thank you for your kind reply and the provision of all these links!
Like I told Leon... I've researched this and strategies very intensively. I recommended smoke-stop techniques and measures, educate my BF about the symptoms he's experiencing (such as how the shakes can come from the meds, that swelling is related, etc.) Sadly he's simply not on board with any of that as he's in his "ignore it and it will go away" stage. I'm just afraid that by the time he snaps out of that (if he ever does) he'll have lost his job and a good bit of his mobility. Then I can smell the next excuse "well, why bother now." If not even the idea that he has a kid who depends upon him can make him change, I don't stand a chance.What I'd mostly like to know is if anyone has been in a similar situation where the person simply won't change an inch. (Eats unhealthy and barely, too little sleep, very strong smoker, etc.) Any way I could put it to him that works?
Just recommendations on if there's anything I can do right now, aside from pass over reasonable information - which I already do, and which I already know he will unlikely adhere to. He's the antithesis of heath conscious in every way.
Then you know, I find myself not caring either. If he doesn't take it seriously, why should I, and let him suffer as he's clearly signed up for it, no sympathy. It's just a weird situation right now.Hey there! Thank you for sharing your story with me. You know what, that's about what I'm expecting with him. I'm guessing it has to get to a point of significant impairment, but even then I'm not sure he'll cut the smoking.
Kind of you to offer your help, and I'd actually totally like to do that. Trouble is he only speaks German (We're in a German speaking country), so communication would be difficult. I could do the interpreting, I suppose. I have a feeling he might not be on board, but it's worth mentioning to him.
And thank you, he could use some prayer 😀
Wow, that's interesting! My surname is Umberger, and I am of German descent almost exclusively (plus Cherokee). But born and raised American and never exposed to the language. But I am still willing to help if I can. Maybe this is why I understand this kind of stubborn? So, if you get a brainstorm, I am willing to do my part. I am also in recovery (32 years sober) and was a counselor for a few years, so I was able to help some folks before I got burnt out and went back in a big truck. But that also means I know full well you can't help someone unless they are willing. Which is sad. It means I almost died before I quit, and addiction took most of my family (5 of 😎. I would highly recommend you find a support group or someone to talk to and take care of yourself. One way to help might be to make yourself stronger. I know it's hard to be where you are, I've been on both sides of it. Most often I have lost, but I never gave up, and I do have a win or two to notch. I will pray for you both. It's funny how sometimes additional help can show up. Hope is our best weapon, and I've used it as one many times. Maybe you can too.
There is an old saying: "you can lead a donkey to water but you can't make him drink".
Best think you can do is educate yourself and take care of yourself. Be there to support him once he is ready to accept your help.
I was stubborn myself and I can relate to what your BF is doing. I couldn't walk from car to docs office without stopping and gasping for air when I was diagnosed. Yet I kept on smoking and gasping for air. Almost like I was living in my own reality. What snapped me out of it and made me join reality is when my doc referred me to the transplant team.
After meeting with the transplant team my attitude made a 180. I researched my options, stopped smoking, got off nicotine, started exercising, etc. I didn't snap out of it until the harsh reality was staring me in the face. Sometimes that's what it takes to make someone listen.
