How do I know when time is running out
My husband has stage 3/4 COPD and CHF . I don’t know because he refuses to let me go to the dr with him and after every appointment he says dr said everything was fine, or lungs sounded good. I know that is not true. He can not do anything ( walk to car), shower etc without gasping for breath . Pulse ox stays around 92 if resting but 88 with any motion. I’m scared everyday ! Ive explained to him my worry and he responds I’m fine honey and you’ll be better off anyway. Smiles, kisses me and says stop worrying . I fear I’ll come home from work and find him dead . Can anybody tell me what to expect . Does this phase / stage go on for years ?
Hi
. Your frustration is understandable. You want to do all you can to help him, but that's super difficult if he won't share information with you. It sounds like he doesn't want to think about his COPD and he doesn't want you to think about it either. Maybe that would make it too real for him.
Every journey with COPD is different. We have members who were diagnosed at stage 4 twenty years ago and are still with us today. Others progress more quickly. Most people don't actually die from COPD, in part, because that journey can be so long even in the later stage. It's usually some other condition that comes along.
If he won't talk to you about his condition, you can still continue to educate yourself, which can enable you to be more supportive. For instance, you can read up on some of these strategies for managing shortness of breath: https://copd.net/living-with-copd/breathing-strategies. Then you will be equipped to help him, if he is receptive, when that occurs.
Please know we are here for you whenever you need us. You'll find lots of other caregivers in this community, some of whom have probably had similar experiences. Thinking of you and sending lots of gentle hugs your way. - Lori (Team Member)Thank you so much!
Hi. I am assuming from your post that you aren't on his medical records as someone his doctors can talk to? That's hard. I would encourage you to keep trying to show him how important it is for you to know how he's doing. If he won't talk to you, you might be able to ask him to identify someone else -- family, trusted friend, etc -- who can be in that role. We all need someone who can stand by us when it comes to dealing with medical things. It's understandable that he doesn't want to worry you, but he also shouldn't have to navigate this alone.
Your situation is unfortunately a common one in our community. Everyone has to come to terms with their health at their own pace. We're here to listen and support you. Sending hugs! -Melissa, team member
Thank you
