Grieving with COPD
Grieving sucks – looking for another place to live not helping. It’s making it worse. Like I’m trying to stuff myself and my life into a box that I don’t fit into anymore. I’m not even sure where am I supposed to be or where I am headed? I can’t give up…. Crying – grieving not helping at all – just lets out the frustration as I work on rebuilding me. Places I’ve seen don’t even feel like home – like they feel foreign or distant. I am supposed to move forward and clean out all the clutter. Pack away memories and so many different things. Right now, I just want to tear down the walls and say, “why me”. I know that nothing stays the same and things change. Some changes are good and others not so much. I feel like the damn can been flipped hundred times or more until my head hurts. I grieved my life of being a smoker years ago --- but this now hurts even deeper. I’ve been filling out applications either on waiting lists – or denied. Somehow, I plug forward – I must. Does it mean I’m scare – yes. I must move on. I must show that I am strong and whatever I had prior to this is gone. Feels like more than shedding memories – they are painful daggers. When do they stop?
You have been through so much,
. I wish I could ease your pain. It must be horribly difficult to deal with your grief when you are also being forced to move. I would guess that most any place will feel empty and cold until you move in and begin building new memories--good ones, maybe holidays with your daughter celebrated in new ways to mark a new beginning. I'm not sure that the pain every goes away. You just learn to live with it, and eventually, to respect its place in your soul while you live life as fully as possible. When you can do that, the pain dulls and, sometimes, it evolves from daggers into gentle nudges of good memories that help you move forward. From what I remember, you are seeing a therapist, but have you also considered a grief support group? I hope you find a place soon and that you are able to make it home. Sending the very best of all wishes your way. - Lori (Team Member) Yes, I'm still working with a therapist it does help. Sometimes it just triggers back at me. Thanks for the advice
