Quality of Life Lately
So, my youngest son Ryan and his fiancé and her midget came to visit for the first time since last October. I've been quite isolated, with no visitors at all otherwise except caregivers and my neighbors. So, it was nice. They brought barbecue. We pigged out, talked, and generally had a great time. Then they went home, and I was alone again. But still, it was nice. I feel better. Not physically, but maybe a little better mentally.
Interestingly, the next night, he called while on the road (he drives a truck) and made the comment that he and Casey agreed that I looked better than six months ago. The more I've thought about it, the more I don't think it's true, health wise. Of course, I am still trying to shake off the latest lung infection. But also, I am more sleep deprived than ever, and frustrated that my POC is still not here. And there are a myriad of other things. But in the end I think I've lost ground rather than gaining any in the last six months. Now my blood pressure is up again too, to 150's over 80's. My breathing is still not better, and my stamina is not that good lately, as I cannot seem to do very much without getting too tired.
Altogether it sounds depressing, and it is, a little. But I do feel like I am rebounding a little and bouncing back upwards. So, am I being nitpicky and whiny? Maybe. I've done it before. Like a bad case of the poor me syndrome. I am trying to be positive, but some days it just seems like a steep climb. Maybe I just need more sleep. I know that would help. Working on it. Life was simpler when all I had to do was work 15 hours a day. I think.
Hi kloker - thanks for this summary of last weekend's visit from your son and daughter-in-law (Ryan and Casey), and the grandchild. To me it sounds like it was a good visit - perhaps they won't wait another six months before they return! Perhaps your oxygen concentrator will finally arrive and you will be able to get out a little, to start!
What struck me is that Ryan actually said to you (from his truck, while on the road), that, to them, you LOOKED better than you did six months ago. That is a big, big, big (and positive), visual assessment!
Sometimes, when people are isolated, as you are, it is not readily apparent what their own appearance is. Think about it, kloker - there are times when I haven't seen my adult children for a week and we always seem to remark how much better (or worse) we look to one another! A six-month absence from your children, gives them the opportunity to tell you how you look to them! Take the compliment at its value - you are looking better!
Now, you may not feel that you look better (because of all the feelings you shared in the above post!). And you may certainly be so self-focused on how you feel, that you are under the impression you are sliding somewhat downhill. Some of this may certainly be your emotions - but then re-read what you wrote: " But I do feel like I am rebounding a little and bouncing back upwards." Given the quality and caliber of your writings and musings here with the community - that is the direction I believe you are going in.
Sure, it's challenging and you've certainly had some disappointments and challenges with your care and equipment but, that is how this works. You know that!
Keep taking care of yourself, be kind to your kind neighbors, stay active and prolific here in our community, and definitely, keep in touch with these children who just visited with you!
Just my $0.02, that's all!
Enjoy the weekend!
Leon (site moderator COPD.net)- Thanks, Leon! I am trying to pull my brain back up. At the bottom here is a picture of Ryan's truck (he owns it now), taken the morning after we talked (Thursday, March 31, at 0730 in Kentucky, where he picked up another load coming back to the yard and home for the weekend. He will be taking it to Brownwood for in the morning. It's a 2000 model 379, with a double sleeved frame, a 6TS Cat motor (it's a C15TT reconfigured to a single large turbo, putting out about 650 hp, with an 18. He is about to have a third drive axle installed soon for heavier loads. My last Pete with a C15TT (Twin Turbo) had issues with misaligned injector bores, but on this one that has all been revamped. Anyway, it's a good truck. Runs as good as it looks. Can pull 260k at 75mph steady all day. Current cost to refuel is about $1k! Ouch!
Anyway, I am due for a doctor visit this week, and we will have to talk about blood pressure meds. I am up to using the MIV machine 2-4 hours per day now, so that is progress. Meanwhile, the coffee is good this morning and I am going to try to get the laundry done.
That is one beautiful rig, Kloker, especially with all the stock and after market technical & mechanical upgrades! A twin turbo cranking out 650 hp will definitely do the job of heavy hauling and the third axle can only make it even better. Good luck to him! Do you have any photos of your old Peterbilt?
That really is progress for you to be able to use the NIV machine for between 2-4 hours. I remember when you were not able to tolerate it at all! This is much improved.
Glad to hear the doctor is returning to see you this week - when you have a chance, please provide us with the update as you see fit. You know I always look forward to speaking with you here.
Hang in there, kloker!
Leon (site moderator COPD.net)
yes we are allowed to have our little self pity parties just as long as they don’t define us. I have had my fair share believe me & do take a very mild anti depressant because I got scared about depression consuming me. Now no matter how unmotivated I feel I do my best to force myself out of it. Turn on some music, open a window let some fresh air, change up your routine , keep in touch with people… I could go but the thought is you can still live & be happy😀
