Obligations over the holidays
My grandson is participating in a school play at school. This is like the most important thing in the world to my daughter. She does not understand the risk I am taking attending an event like this during flu-COVID season. Mixing with children and people in this kind of setting is a huge risk in my estimation.. Also, my COPD is getting worse. I just had an Echo and they found mild pulmonary hypertension. My doctor wants me to have a right heart Cath. I don't want this test just to confirm what he already knows. My doctor is invasive test crazy! Please give me some feedback regarding this. Am I being selfish ? Should I go ?
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I would not call taking care of one's health "selfish". My oldest daughter is having a ballet show tonight. I will not attend for the same reasons as you Sal. My wife, my youngest daughter, and my two grandsons are attending. I will do no one any good by being in the hospital over the holiday's because I went to a show with about 200 other people and caught the flu, COVID, or pneumonia. I am feeling fairly well this year for once, and would like to make it through the entire holiday season without being sick. I find no reason at all to put my own health at risk. Especially with COPD and compromised lungs. I feel if I did that, I would just be asking for trouble. Do I want to go? Of course I do! Will I go? Nope. It is just the way it has to be. Do I feel guilty? I used to, but not anymore. In my opinion, guilt is a useless emotion that just sucks energy from your system. Use your best Judgement Sal, but please do not feel guilty or let your daughter make your feel guilty for taking care of you. How would she feel if you went and ended up catching the flu, COVID, or pneumonia and had to be hospitalized over the holidays? See if you can get someone to video tape it and you can watch it with your grandson. Just my two cents. Take care Sal and God Bless!Thank you so much for your input.
Dminor always has a fine insight into issues, and it is appreciated. On this one, I defer to the question: What is important to you? There are risks in nearly everything we do these days, from grocery shopping to getting the mail from the box, we risk exposure to others. Myself? Based on the fact of my current condition and the time I have left on this planet, I will risk everything, every time, if it is important to me. Seeing my grandson at dinner in a crowded restaurant, my daughter performing in a play with 800 in attendance, all these are important to me. Family has no boundaries that can stop me at this point in my life, and I will do what I can to make them, and myself, happy. We all die. How I choose to go out will be actively participating with my loved ones, and not cowering behind a fortressed wall for fear of being sick. It will happen anyway, so why not enjoy myself until I no longer can? Best wishes, keep your stick on the ice.
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You always post well and with a level head. I also appreciate your insights and reasoning ability. I admire your resolve to go to all the things involving your family regardless of the risks to your own health. I use to think the same way. Then a few incidents changed my mind. Not so much for myself, but for others. I went to a family dinner to a crowded Mexican restaurant. Right after the entree's were served, I went into one of my COPD related coughing spells. It wouldn't stop, so I had to go the parking lot and spend the rest of dinner in the car. My poor wife rushed through her meal and brought mine to me in a to go box. Another time, my wife and I were in the grocery store and halfway through shopping I started coughing up bloody mucus and it would not stop. Another trip spent in the parking lot waiting for my wife to finish the shopping, and the next day to to doctor for meds. One other example. My youngest daughter and her sons (then 6 and 2, two years ago) were at the local county fair. I was home and my wife was at work (40 miles away). I started coughing up blood. Not just a little, a lot. I called my daughter and she had to pawn her sons off on a friend and leave to come take me to the hospital. I spent the next 4 days there with pneumonia. So I think of incidents that could ruin an event for others as much as I think about my own health. There are other factors included also. Like air quality when it is an outside event, how enclosed is the venue, how many people , etc. I just wanted to explain my thinking a little more. Take care South Paw. Take Care and God Bless!
Hi
It's really interesting that you have gotten two polar-opposite perspectives on this issue. It's a lot to digest about. I think, what that proves, is that no one but you can make this decision and that there is no wrong answer. If you are comfortable with your decision, be firm and strong. Many times, my mother-in-law could not come to my children's events, including their plays. My kids were totally fine with that, probably because my husband and I weren't bothered. We supported my mother-in-law.
Do you think it might help to explain your decision to your daughter and grandson together? That might ensure that your grandson reacts to the situation, not to your daughter's reaction. Does that make sense? This is your body and your health. You should be the one deciding when to take risks and when to play it safe. Sending lots of gentle hugs your way. - Lori (Team Member)I appreciate both answers. Thank you.
Not sure if the play has come and gone yet, but I have a perspective to add as well and I'm sure this won't be the last time you'll encounter this dilemma.
My grandmother had COPD through my teens and into my early 20s. She and I were very close and, to the extent she could, she always attended my performances. It was too hot for her to attend my high school graduation, but she was able to watch it on TV at home. I was so happy she was able to see it without putting herself in a tough situation, and we took pictures at her house on another day.
Fast forward a few years. I remember one day she attended a concert of mine in college, and as we worked our way out of the theater she was really struggling. We had to take a long break to sit before we could go to the car. Honestly, I didn't want to put her in that position. It was more important to me that she stay safe. I continued to share important moments with her with pictures, videos and visits, and it was all good.Of course, it depends on the age and understanding of the kid, and it doesn't sound like you're as severe as my grandmother was at that point. Saying that it would be unsafe for you to get sick may be enough for them to understand, and I would absolutely ask your daughter to sneak some video if she can. (My school plays were usually recorded.)
I hope your family is understanding and willing to support you. This can be a hard transition for everyone involved. Make sure you tell them how much you care and want to be there -- it's not like you're staying home because you're uninterested. For me as the loved one, just having their love and support, even from home, meant plenty.
Hope that helps. <3 All best to you! -Melissa, team member
