Depression..What's next

So sorry you are going through so much, depression is so tough on our minds and body too!
I too am Stage 4 and yes went through a really rough patch like you are doing now. It's been 2 yrs now, lost a little more of myself, but thank goodness I remembered what a counselor told me nearly 30 years ago when I was diagnosed with a different long term chronic illness and she told me I was grieving, that it's a process and that too shall pass with a little help. Well that little help went from Counseling and antidepressants, which I still use to having to watch (direct) my husband and sometimes my adult children on what should be done, for I use to do it all. It's hard to not to have that activity or control, but grieve as we must and try to figure out how we can be useful in a different way.


Are you able to chat with your husband about how you are feeling? Great place to ask him about how he is feeling about the new situation. Has he complained at all about the amount of work or about helping you? I bet the day he married you that you both said "I do" to the part that states "in sickness and in health". Please keep that in mind! Have you chatted with your doctor about how you are feeling, he/she can give you some advice or refer you to a counselor, meds and other things. Clergy is another, place if that is something you do.


What makes you think your doctor has given up? What did the doctor mean there is nothing more to do? Was it medication, treatments of other types such as surgery? There is so many meds out there and such that I would think that a Lung Specialist would have a few tricks up their sleeves still. I think personally if you have not done so or been told already is I would ask that doctor just what was meant by that statement.


Now if you notice, he states or you think your husband is getting overwhelmed this would something to bring up to your doctor, be it a Primary (family) doctor or your lung specialist. Let them know you need help at home, relief. They might be able to lead in the right direction by prescribing some home health care for you, many insurance will help pay for that. Then there is the Dept of Aging, and Disability, it's a Federal Program but usually handled in your local County offices. They to might have some programs that you and your hubby qualify for in a few aspects of life. Sometimes a local Community Center has a person there that has information about different types of programs (some volunteers) that could be helpful for you and your hubby too!


As I was a care giver to both my in-laws and then helped with my father for many years, the worst thing of it all was not ever hearing a single Thank-You or I appreciate the help. What else I keep in mind is that sometimes when someone is not feeling their best they take their frustrations out on the one they love the most. Thus, I try very hard to remember to say Thank you, I appreciate you or something similar. This alone makes my mind set better most times, for I hardly forget this little thing, but know it's important for those helping to hear them at least once in awhile.



Try to find a hobby or a task you are able to do. Write down those recipes that is in your head that you make / made that no one else does, your family would appreciate those! What about getting some of the adult coloring books or even the kids ones and doing those? Try painting or drawing? Write a journal of your life, little things you have already told and some you haven't. I bet you have a lot of life experience you still can share with people around you too! I know I do LOL I do family research, found a lot of free sites and there is more being added everyday, a lot of different forum and chat places too about that. Do you knit or crochet? If so make some nifty things for loved ones if you have slowed down over time, maybe pick it back up. If not knowing there is a lot of great tutorial and videos how to on youtube.com for so many different things to try that doesn't take a lot of energy, for energy is a problem for many of us.


There is a lot of stuff above and I know it can be overwhelming, but then again it might give you a direction to go to help you work out of this or at least a starting point. Remember it did not come on all of a sudden it took its time, it might take a little time to get out of it.


Be kind to yourself


I so wish for you some relief for these feelings and an easier road to travel.
Hugs to you, Doris

Hi Janet62, I think dltld has said everything to be said , I also have been where you are, it's a horrible feeling, and knowing you can't go backwards.BUT this will pass and look forward and keep looking forward, I greived for my old self also, terribly and as dltld said , maybe you could think about some medication to help with this depression, which is also what I am on, but always ask your doctor about this to be sure to find what is right for you, and how much to take to be safe.Will be thinking of you Janet at time you are going through it is the most awful feeling ever.You still have living to do , look forward don't look back and live every moment each day much as you can. Be glad to still be here with your family because I am sure they will be glad and love you as much as they did then , maybe even more.X Hugs to you Janet.X

and Doris, Thank- You for The time and thoughts You have shared. So very appreciated.
Excuse the spelling etc. Whole Lotta shaking going on. Yes I try humor.
Back to Your replies, I can't answer all at once. What I will do is explain deeper.
Besides copd I have spinal problems, degeneration, osteoporosis,Occipital nerve problems.I have had many surgeries also have a spinal stimulator.
None of that helps..
Yes I was was told there was nothing more to do. That was 1.5 years ago maybe more.
Then We had a new Pulmonary specialist come in. He looked at Me and said " Hey Janet Your young yet".
Love at first site.
We talked procedures and I was thinking transplant at this time.
I traveled to Philadelphia and talked to them. Etc. We live 4-5 hours away.
I. Was set up to start the 2 weeks of testing. When it just seemed impossible to maintain residence in 2 places . I decided to pass. ( Today I will say I wish I hadnt(.
I went to My Dr and told him I would if I passed testing have the. Valves placed. I did pass for the valves. My date was first week of Nov.22.
In October I have gotten covid even though the. Drs is the only place I traveled. Moving forward. Nov.5? The valves were placed. 4 of them. I was in there for 7 days. They just weren't working as I thought they would. A couple weeks after this I was quite sick thinking Blasted Covid I went to hospital My pulmonary Dr. Wheeled Me to Er where I was admitted.
I was a pretty sick Girl! RSV
and it got Me hard. My Dr there called My husband in thinking I wasn't going to make it.
At one time I had an anxiety attack so bad I myself didn't think I would.
I did apparently. But for days after if I moved to much it would throw me right back into an attack.
They. Gave me meds for that.Also had Palliative care talk with Me.
I want to get that care continously to help when I get confused.
I have had counseling for depression and take medication for it. I probably have skipped and jumped here. I am 68 and truly All I want is to walk and not be out of breathe for more than 1 hour.
At this point I don't know how far to push etc.i haven't been to physical therapy in a long time because of back. At the moment I am trying to get.things together to go spend xmas with my son. Which is exciting.
But then Covid .hit here. I spend most time thinking of all I have to do. My Husband is 82. And is Terrific.
He has so much to do of his own,but still tends to Me. Families work no one has extra time.
Hopefully this helps You see my road a bit clearer.
Hugs All Around,
Janet

as you can see, you are clearly not alone in these feelings. Contending with feelings of depression and anxiety is something so many in our community have shared. We are here to offer you any support we can and I would also be happy to share some additional resources if you'd like. Wishing you a peaceful day. All the best, Sam S. (COPD team).