Beyond My Existence

This morning I awoke to my 3-month-old puppy pulling at my hair.

The light tugs caused me to smile. It was time for the pups to go outside, and then have breakfast. Time too, for Badger’s heart medication. Now, it is time for my nebulizer treatments and my medications.

At times during nebs, my mind wanders, usually to whatever comes to mind. Am I planning my day or thinking about breakfast?

Today was different. This morning, I looked in the mirror and decided that I needed to step up.

Getting outside of my comfort zone

It's time to quit existing and begin to live and be part of the world again. It sounds crazy, I’m sure.

My husband saw me with earrings and asked if I had plans for the day or if I was dressing up to show my existence. I nodded and said it was time. We had talked about this, so he knew what was coming.

Even though this house is “my place of existence”, my body and mind need to step out of that space.

I told my hubby that I needed to find my feminine side a while back. He said, "long skirt?" I said yeah! The gypsy style? Yeah! I told him that I wanted to try magnetic false eyelashes too.

I've always wanted to try them. No glue, though, and I did get new makeup, and so far, no allergic reaction, thankfully.

It’s been so long since I dressed for the day.

The only pants that fit are three pairs of sweat pants. I paid $3.00 a pair for each of them when a store went out of business years ago, and they have held up well.

I wore them in the summers too. I get easily chilled. Pajama pants are amazingly comfortable. My jeans and dress pants haven’t fit for a long while, and I refuse to buy anything.

I do know that with my COPD, fibromyalgia, and osteoarthritis, to name a few, I live for comfort.

Nothing that rubs or tugs. Things that allow me to breathe.

That’s why I think a loose-fitting skirt would be ideal. I’m more of a jeans-type person. The past years have shown me how important it is to be comfortable. I don’t do very well with pain anymore, so relaxed it needs to be.

Looking for the good in everyday things

The way I feel and look on the outside makes a difference in how I feel on the inside.

It gives me a boost. Is it that way for you?

Some days, finding peace or even a reason to be grateful might seem challenging. I have been in that place where it was easier to roll with whatever emotion I was going through.

Is that helping me physically or emotionally? No. Heck no. I don't like that place and want out. It's essential to look for the good things.

It's crucial for me anyway. It isn't always easy to look inside ourselves and look outside at another. We need to look for the good, even when we feel so bad.

Look around. Do you see someone smiling? Look at their eyes. Sometimes those smiles are what tell us about another. Some people have smile lines in their eyes, and no, those aren't crows' feet.

Listen to your surroundings. Do you hear someone who wears a smile in their voice? That's the kind of voice that tells beautiful stories, and it also draws a person to them to hear what they have to say.

Do you hear a child's laughter? That laughter can seem magical, letting you believe that things are all right.

Check out your surroundings, whether you are indoors or out. Look. Do you see something in your favorite color? Do you see something that looks soft and cuddly? Something that makes you smile?

There are still tough days that must be lived.

Not letting COPD bring you down

We still have COPD, and that is something that is. Yet, it's essential to realize that even though we need to live with our COPD and take care of ourselves, we can and should live our lives to the fullest.

The gratitude attitude is something that I need to hold on to.

These are all the things that I look for in my day:

• To honestly let myself feel grateful, happy, and tender, I need to drop my defenses.
• I need to let myself feel things and have peace.
• What I tell myself and what I allow myself to see, feel, and experience will help me through the tough times. They may be something that I keep with me or something that I remember when the time is right.

According to my physical and emotional abilities, it's time to live life.

We all have physical liabilities, COPD, and breathing issues for sure. We may have other limitations, yet we have a life to live, which should be more than our basic existence.

Beyond our existence and beyond my own existence, this is a fulfilled life.

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