A couple of days ago, my husband’s son and our daughter-in-law came by. We had a great visit.
Last night, my husband said that I should write a story about “Loneliness”. We’ve talked about it before, since I’m so housebound. He told me that when our kids got here that I looked so happy and alive. We talked, laughed, and really enjoyed. Since he mentioned that, more and more I can fully appreciate his words.
I think back over the years of talking to fellow COPDers, as well as family & friends, the support people. Their discussions of loneliness, of no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to hug are valid, because they know how it feels. Sometimes a person needs a real person in their life.
Some feel that the family members in their lives have turned their back on the COPDer. Some feel stuck at home, because no one stops to visit anymore, maybe they have no family around them anymore. Maybe the COPDer never learned how to drive or get around. It’s possible that there isn’t a bus, taxi, Uber, or any other transportation in the small town that some live in.
Others wonder about dating or maybe a possibility for getting married.
Being homebound does get very lonely. If it weren’t for my furbabies and my husband, I would be lost. My husband works long hours and I know I rattle his ears off when he gets home.
I do have severe allergies and once someone comes into the house with their colognes, gels, and other scented products, I can’t get those scents out of my house and keep reacting to them. Some have caused anaphylaxis. To top it off, I’m allergic to Benadryl. We put an allergy note on the front door stating high allergy alert, don’t come in if you are wearing scented product. If you know me, do call. Plus, I have trouble getting up and down the steps, so that note takes care of solicitors as well, and my need to answer a doorbell. Some that I thought were friends, stopped coming over, then stopped calling. I was given the reason that by visiting, they were afraid of giving me a reaction, etc.
Our family all live at a distance. The closest one of our kids is 70 miles to 1700 miles. For me to travel to family, using restrooms or anyplace that has strong scents, sets me off with my first reaction, visiting or being outdoors is another reaction, because of high pollen, trees, flowers, etc. This goes on and on. I traveled when my parents were alive, no matter what; but our kids know they now need to travel here, because most have scented houses etc. too. Hubby does fish, etc. which is so good for him! Because it’s important he has a life too. I want him to get out and I tell the kids too, they need to get out and enjoy some of life before it's too late and they become unable to do things. I do also enjoy some of my "alone" time. This gives me time to work on my photos, crafts, writing, watch tv, etc. Sometimes it's nice not to do anything.
All we can do is reach out to others and those who are lonely. Be very careful that you aren’t setting yourself up for trouble, if you are meeting someone face to face. Since you likely don’t know the person you may be meeting, etc. But it’s wonderful to be supportive and do join a support group. For a face to face meeting, there may person, or there might be Better Breathers club in your community. Talk to your doctor or respiratory therapist to see if there is a group in your area. Otherwise there are various online support groups. Here at COPD.net, we are here for you too.
Will you find someone to spend the rest of your life with? I don’t know. Again, be cautious. Know that you aren’t alone, because others have asked that too.
We are here for each of you and hope that with some of the information on our sites that you will find something to make a difference in your life and that you will know that we do understand and care.
What do you wish people would say when you're feeling lonely? Tell us here!
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