Living/Dying with COPD
Does anyone else just feel like dying, asap, due to this condition? I mean, we can no longer really live anymore,we know it's never going to get better or be alright, can't do anything but wait for death...why prolong our own and the people around us the misery of this? Does anyone have a reason, a good reason to continue?
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Wow, that is a sad outlook. I have had an adjustment period the last 8 months after my COPD diagnosis. Yes, it is a completely different way of life. Is life still worth living? Absolutely. No way am I ready to kick off. Sure, staying inside a majority of the time because of weather, allergens, dust, ozone actions days, wind, etc. is not fun. But I am learning to adjust my schedule around those things. Is it hard to do? Yes. But I like life too much. I get to spend time with my grandsons weekly. I get to work part time (indoors of course). I talk to my brother and my daughters daily. I stay busy around the house while my wife goes to work. I am retired. So, I clean house, I cook meals, I get to watch movies, read books, practice my chess game, listen to good jazz music while I exercise, etc.
Yes, when I got out of ICU last October from bleeding lungs, mycobacterial pneumonia, and COPD, I could barely walk. It took me a month just to be able to take a shower. Several months of doing nothing and being isolated wears you down mentally. Depression sets in. There were days I just wanted to cry and give up. But I didn't. I intend to fight all the way to the end. I do not want to help the end get here any sooner. My happiness is my responsibility. If I do not help myself, no one is going to help me. The world is hard enough to live in already, why make it harder and more miserable? I feel like attitude is 90% of life. A positive attitude brings positive things in your life. A negative attitude brings more negative things into your life. If you are feeling that down and depressed, please seek some professional help. It could be your pastor, a family member, a longtime friend, your doctor, a counselor, anyone who is uplifting and positive. Try meditation or yoga. Find something you enjoy and could make into more of a hobby. I hope you seek help if you need it and try and have a more positive outlook. You can always talk here if you have nowhere else to go. Please don't give up. God bless!Thanks Dminor9. I would say a compromised life of not doing what you want is just like being in a prison on a life sentence. Sure, we can bandaid ourselves and try to convince ourselves that we are living, but we are not. Not really. Were you active before the hammer fell? I was, and it is the worst hell I could have not being able to even go outside. I see the strain it puts on my female partner. That is another hell to endure. Watching others live or talking to people on phone or online is not real. Happiness? Brother I don't see how you or anyone could be happy knowing it's all for nothing, and that we are causing hardship to loved ones. Counseling is bullshit, it has never worked, even slightly for me. There is little I can think of more miserable than deteriorating right in front of your own, and wife's eyes. My hobbies were all outside, and I ain't got time, literally, to do much at all, to learn a hobby would take more time than I think I have left. I can only hope that I just die, tonight, in my sleep.
Hi Dminor - I think you have been both candid and supportive with your comments here - we are grateful to have you as a participating and actively involved member of our online community.
Your support and sharing of your own personal experiences are invaluable for all of us!
Warmly,
Leon (site moderator COPD.net)
A couple weeks ago I started to think about what it would be like to be dead. Gone. First, no husband. No grandchildren, and their parents, of course. No summer days to sit in a breezy window. No winter days to look out at the harsh reality of winter. No dollhouses to enjoy. No quilts to sew. No beds to make.
Suddenly, I was filled with dread. Almost a panic. NO!
I started to look around at people who have it so much worse.
No legs. War wounds. Painful diseases.
Not to mention constant physical hardships like eviction, or homelessness.
My life is certainly limited. I will give you that. But it is a LIFE! I am alive. I can type. I can speak. I have family that I love, and who care about me. I have a dog who sleeps with me. Down to the basics. I can still think.
And the total sadness, almost horror, at the idea of being removed from my life, from any life, though I do believe in Heaven, brought me to a place where I appreciate every good ten minutes.
I recognized that life is not perfect. But it is far better than the alternative. I am not nearly ready to go. I do think there is a Heaven, and in my prayers at night I say, "Thy will be done," but I get up every morning and start another day. I find a lot to be grateful for. I hope you can find some things in your life to appreciate.
Hi all, I just wanted to drop in and provide some resources for those who may be reading this thread. Many people in our community experience these feelings and I hope this honest conversation can help people feel less alone in that experience. I'm sharing a few resources below for those who may be interested. Please know we area always here for your support. Resources: https://copd.net/mental-health/coping-general-resources, https://copd.net/coping-mental-health-copd.
Warmly, Sam S. (COPD.net, Community Member).I feel you. Every day I ask myself is this a life? I do what I can, but this has got me so down that most days I just hang about waiting for the next time I can't breathe. It's hot here now, and it's really getting to me, can't get a breath at all (hyperinflation). Sleeping is hell as well, I have a CPAP machine that makes me feel like I'm being blown up like a balloon. It sucks, but I don't really have an answer. By the way, Hamlet doesn't have a reason to continue, but he does have a few reasons to not check out just quite yet.
