End Stage Woes.
My worse part is where I die. Then I wonder if I will be here next week, or can I plan a short trip to get away.
There are so many small things that we wonder about.
A hospital bed sounds nice, but you would miss your dog or your bingo night.
All so silly, but it happens.
I wonder if I should talk to a shrink, because dying is always on my mind. I know it must be that way for others. Please share your feelings, as it will help many of us here looking for help and compassion.
Yes, I too think about dying. Where, when,, who will be with me. What will I physically go through? I am asking the professionals here Please!! Describe what is typical. Please and thank-you!!!!
You have gotten a lot of good ideas here, especially the amazing articles our wrote on death and dying -- I was going to share them with you, but Lori beat me to it. 😀 Proof that they are worth reading. None of us can predict exactly how our death will go, but it might be helpful to have a conversation with your doctor, assuming you are comfortable with them and that they have a compassionate, understanding manner.
If not, perhaps you can reach out to a local hospice organization by sending an email or giving them a call. Maybe they can put you in touch with someone who can send you some helpful reading material or be willing to talk with you more.
It's totally normal to think about death and to have many questions. This may be a good time to think about creating an advanced directive -- a written document that states how you want to be treated, the care you do and don't want, where you hope to be cared for, who you would like to visit with, etc. Declaring those things now can help make sure your wishes are followed and help your caregivers make good choices.
Here is a good article about advanced directives:
https://copd.net/living/living-will
I hope some of this helps you. Please keep in touch with us if you'd like. You don't have to go through this alone and we are here to support you! -Melissa, copd team
I am not a professional, but am at end stage. You wonder every day if you are going to die. It is hard to get away from it. I know I want to be in Oregon, but it is 2500 miles away, and would take about 12 days of old folk driving pulling an rv. Will I make it. All valid questions. Will my breathing be harder tomorrow?. Just have to wait and see. So hard to plan even next weekend, but we need to. It gives us something to think about and plan for. I can help you in anyway that I know how, but everyone is different. Dont hesitate to keep in touch with me if you need to. It is hard sometimes to even pick up a phone and make a call. Even walking 10 feet to the bathroom is hard sometimes. There are so many different things, it is hard to list them all. I will try though. COPD.NET has helped me through many of my troubles, and I hope I can help others.
Hi
and . I am not a professional nor have I been diagnosed with COPD, but I have been through the deaths of both parents, my mother-in-law and my sister. I really do think you might get some comfort in talking with someone who is experienced at counseling people with terminal illnesses. My family members were all religious and they turned to their pastors or priests for guidance as they moved closer to death. I envy them that strength of faith because they really were at peace in their final months. There are lots of counselors who specialize in death and dying and can help you examine and face your fears. Your thoughts and fears are not silly at all. They are perfectly natural and justified, but it is important to figure out how to keep living as fully as possible until that time comes. , I really do hope you make that trip to the Oregon coast. What's the worst that will happen? You could die on the way? You have no chance at all of making if if you don't try. The journey itself could be rewarding if you take your time and take everything in along the way. I hope you will chronicle your journey for us if you do decide to go. I would love to read about it - the ups and the downs.
One of our advocates wrote a four-part series about facing death. I will share links to all four parts here in case either of you is interested: https://copd.net/living/on-death-and-dying, https://copd.net/living/facing-death, https://copd.net/living/life-and-death, and https://copd.net/living/final-days.
I hope this helps. Know we are here for you whenever you need us. Gentle hugs. - Lori (Team Member)I am not afraid to die. I have no family, so only my friend will miss me. I dont go to church and dont plan to start. AS for getting help, finances dont allow for that. My best bet, is to keep telling myself to snap out of it and do something. Doesn't always work, but then all of a sudden, all is good. I have to persuade Bruce to want to go to Oregon. I know he misses it, but we have both found great doctors here. Oregon wants you to drive over mountains in the winter to see a specialist. I plan on talking to my lung doc soon. If I can keep getting the right meds, all will be fine. Plus it wont quit raining in Oregon now. Every 5 years it is crazy. The ocean side is so pleasant as far as temps go. Not hot and not cold. Thankyou again Lori.
Hi again,
(and ) - thanks for this latest comment from each of you. I also see my colleague, Lori.Foster , has weighed in with some of her own personal experience and suggestions.
I hear you!! You may be aware I am a respiratory therapist who has cared for innumerable patients over the years with all different diagnoses - some, but not all, were terminal. I remember the chief of our pulmonary division taught us that patients will rarely die OF COPD. When they do pass, they will pass WITH COPD - this may be of some comfort but it also may not. It is a very individual type of emotion! The statement is meant to say that COPD is often accompanied by other comorbidities which tend to be responsible as a cause of death. I feel it is important to mention this since the doctor is not only knowledgeable but compassionate as well. It helped me to provide care to patients and also helped me to discuss these serious topics with the patients, too! I can tell you the conversations were always welcome!
I have a close buddy (Vietnam veteran), who is struggling with Cancer now. He often tells me he is 'not afraid' to die either (just like you!). He feels he has lived a good life, survived the war, and has accomplished a lot - when it is his time, he can accept it. Meanwhile, he is living and doing all he can to continue to enjoy life now!
As you pointed out, COPD is so unpredictable - you can have some days which are challenging and then, all of a sudden, 'all is good!'. Other community members have expressed similar sentiments. As well, I have seen it myself, taking care of patients with a COPD diagnosis, too!
I understand that 'only your friend' will miss you. However, I can tell you in all certainty, based on the relationship you have established here with our COPD.net community, should the time come, we will all miss you!
Like my colleague, Lori, I would also suggest you continue to think about and even start to plan this longed-for trip to Oregon you have spoken about. Sometimes, talking and planning this far ahead, can help it materialize when the season arrives for you to go.
Warmest regards,
Leon L (author/moderator)
