Hi . Anger is a normal and common reaction to COPD as is that tendency to look back and blame yourself. Of course, you could have done things differently and avoided COPD, but you have to look at the bigger picture -- who you were then and what forces in your life impacted your decisions. My guess is that there were lots of reasons you smoked, partied and tried meth and that many of those reasons go deeper than a sense of invincibility. There is no room for self-blame with COPD. It only prevents you from making the best of the life you have now. Have you ever talked with anyone about your anger -- a friend, a doctor, a pastor or a therapist? If not, it might be worthwhile to give it a try. It can be really helpful to have an uninvested third party as a sounding board.
While you wait for responses from others in the community, I thought you might be interested in this article: https://copd.net/living/previous-life-part-2. Please know we are here for you whenever you need support or a place to vent. You are not alone and your feelings are valid. Gentle hugs. - Lori (Team Member)