Comfort

By Blackbird

1 min read

As I sit here alone for another Holiday, I find peace and/or comfort in nothing. I am reminded of being called a Burden and a treated like a leper or less of a person because I have a chronic illness. I have been shamed because I am not always ready, have enough air in my tanks, stop to catch my breath or miss an outing or invite or need to cancel.
Some stories here actually make me very angry. I have no one to make me or bring me a cup of coffee. No one to help me carry heavy things or worry if I might fall or slip outside on the ice or snow. If I am having a bad day I still have to get up and tend to my needs.
I forget sometimes what day it is because they are all the same. Some days I don't get out of bed, why bother. Showering and hygiene, what is that. I try to exercise but most days I really have no reason too. I really admire anyone with the courage and strength to live a life because mine is empty.

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nan18201 Member
I don't know anything about you or your situation, but you seem very depressed to me. ( I suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety) Maybe some antidepressants and/or counseling would help. Try going on the internet and searching for some local government agencies that may have some programs to help you with shopping, getting to Drs. appointments etc. Perhaps moving to a government sponsored apartment complex for Srs. and the disabled would be a good thing. They have many social activities there so you would not be so alone. Life can be difficult for those of us with this or any chronic disease but we have seek out the things/help that can help us to have the best quality of life we can.
1. Blackbird Member
 <inline-mention username="nan18201" user-id="2457027"/> I've been on antidepressants for years. Counseling is expensive even with insurance. I have found over the years the best thing is to keep to yourself because people are mean and destroy your spirit. 
2. SamanthaSarube Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Blackbird" user-id="2405191"/>, i'm sorry to hear that has been your experience in the past but I did want to reiterate that our community at <a href='https://copd.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a> is a safe place for you to share whatever it is you are going through without judgement and to receive support. We're always here for you. All the best, Sam S. (<a href='https://copd.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a>, team member).
Blackbird Member
<inline-mention username="nan18201" user-id="2457027"/>, I do have my groceries delivered. I can drive myself to my appointments, I just need some help when I get there. I could never handle living in an apartment. I live across from the Lake now. It is full of wildlife, deer, geese, various birds. I even had a Groundhog walk under the step I was sitting on. I would never find this in an apartment. Winters are hard, lots of snow and cold. So, the walls get closer and closer. I am getting over an awful breakup where I was told that I am a Burden and worthless. The world is a harsh place. People cannot fathom what we go through in our daily lives but there are so many others that cannot do an iota of what we are capable of. I have no desire to move to a senior center or home. Since I am a fall risk because of my Osteoporosis I would be in a wheelchair. And what kind of life is that? 
1. kloker Member
 <inline-mention username="Blackbird" user-id="2405191"/> Sorry to hear about your situation. I am in a somewhat similar one, but it's mostly by choice. But I live in a quiet (except for last night!) neighborhood, and I have a couple of neighbors who are amazingly kind and helpful, any time I need them. They put out my trash bin, help with housework, bring me homemade food! I am blessed to have them in my life. Also, my medical team of caregivers are very good, so I rarely have issues, though I do whine a lot about delays and slow/expensive Medicare and insurance. Another thing is this: I spent my whole life abusing and mistreating my body, and now I am paying for it. So, I choose to try and treat it as best I can now. I know I won't catch up - after 70 years of living hard and fast, it ain't gonna happen. But I work with what I can do and have been able to regain a little bit of ground. How my day goes today will depend largely on my attitude and my willingness to do a little extra to feel better. I figure I owe it to my poor worn out body, and it is only going to help me. And I try to have enough folks on standby to give me a little support and a positive word when I need it. My family has busy lives and I don't often see them, but I do sometimes, and I will take what I can get and be thankful. I hope you feel better tomorrow.