December 2020 Journal

By Carol Kirker

3 min read

Dear Journal,

Here we are at the end of another year. It has been a strange year for most, great sadness because of so many lives lost with Covid, and very isolating for all of us. I don’t find life much different because of social distancing. It has been part of my life for quite some time. It has been more isolating. I have had to give up many family events throughout the year. Wearing a mask has become normal attire when leaving the house.

Zooming

Thank goodness for Zoom and other video chat programs. Until this year, I’m sure few of us knew of them. I certainly didn’t. It has become a lifeline to the outside world for me. Weekly chats with friends keep me sane. I thought it would be strange having a doctor’s visit this way, but I enjoyed not leaving the house. It can’t take the place of every visit, but having it available during bad weather or a quick check-up is such a convenience.

I was very excited to discover so many other activities through Zoom. My favorite wellness center started group meditations via Zoom. I have missed this place so much. No longer able to go in person because of incense burning and scented candles, now I can participate in some of the monthly events. January starts a new virtual book club meeting weekly through the senior center. I really hope many of these events continue to be virtual. I think there is a need for them, not just during this time of a pandemic, but for the future. It helps so many that are homebound feel less isolated.

Reflections

The end of the year always brings a time for reflection. I have family members that were ill from Covid but recovered. I am so thankful for that. While it may have been a time of more isolation than usual, I am discovering new passions in my life. I have let go of hobbies that no longer keep me entertained. They were a habit, something I’ve done for years but the excitement was long gone. I wonder why we get into these routines and hesitate to let go of them? I have begun writing, not just about life with COPD, but fictional short stories. Writing is a lifelong dream. I turned sixty-six this year. I have more years behind me than in front of me. If I don’t live my dreams now, then when?

With so much loss of life due to Covid, this year has taught me that COPD cannot be the center of my life. It will obviously dictate many things in my life, but it needs to be in the background as much as possible. It has taken a long time, but now, I only have to spend about an hour per day managing my illness. Exercise and medications are the first priority of the day. There will always be bad days here and there or bad moments in a day. I accept them as they show up, try not to panic too much, and deal with them.

There are many activities I can no longer do, but there is so much I can do. A few dreams may be gone because of COPD, but there are many still attainable. The year 2020 will be one for the history books, including my own. I think we all have learned many life lessons. I pray the year 2021 and beyond will be kinder to all of us.

How has 2020 affected your life? Has your COPD improved or worsened because of it and why? Have you discovered any new hobbies or kept in contact with family via Zoom? I would love to hear your 2020 reflections.

Editor's Note: We are heartbroken to share that Carol passed away in February of 2022. Carol's storytelling and advocacy will be deeply missed, but her legacy lives on through her articles and in all the people she inspired.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The COPD.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Barbara Moore Moderator
Hi Carol, Great article. I think Zoom is the best things since sliced bread and I too, hope that they continue into the 2021 and beyond. Thanks for your input on life changes like reading clubs and hobbies. We all need to do more of that. Barbara Moore (site moderator)
1. Carol Kirker Moderator
 Hi Barbara! Thank you! I love Zoom and the people I have hootenanny to know because of it. It has truly opened up a whole new world! The toughest thing was giving up some of the old hobbies. It was really more like the hobby materials, because I stopped doing them. It does feel good though to be open to new interests instead of being stuck in the old. Have a fabulous day! Carol (author/moderator)
eat2017 Member
Hi Carol, Thanks for the article. It reminds me of some things I did recently. I was having a terrible time over the last year + being depressed and having anxiety. I was perceiving things as much worse than they were, if I had only looked for the good things. One thing that was on my mind constantly was clutter. Over the last 5 years I went from a 4 bedroom beautiful home, to a 2 bedroom apartment to now a room in my sons home. So, I’ve been trying to let go of things. I’ve let go of things I’ve wanted my siblings and friends to have when I’m gone. They can enjoy these items now and that is helping me with decluttering my life. Clutter really causes me anxiety and then depression especially when I couldn’t take care of it all. After getting some help, I started thinking about how can I change my current situation so I can feel happier. I got rid of all kinds of hobby related supplies. I narrowed it down to my 3 favorite hobbies, reading, genealogy and painting/Art. Still a lot of “stuff”, but I’m getting it better organized, little by little and at some point I’ll be able to work in painting regularly. I also contacted my old book club and set up a Zoom meeting just to say hello and see how we were all fairing. That action turned into a regular monthly meeting of catching up and discussing the books we are all reading. It was so helpful to be able to laugh with my old group of book club girlfriends! Other things I made changes in were getting both my dad and I signed up for meals on wheels. I been having a very difficult time with desaturating, I believe due to my de conditioning. We are going to try this for awhile and see if I can get back to cooking, after completing online pulmonary rehab. Hopefully I can make improvements in my breathing. Either way I can gain strength. I’ve hired a person to clean my bathroom, my room and a few common areas so that I can use my energy for decluttering genealogy papers and get them in binders. As well as sort through 1000’s of pictures and getting them in albums with names of who is in the picture. Finding a way to get these things done has already made me feel better. My doctor also prescribed Buspar. to go along with my anti-depressants currently taking. I have already noticed less anxiety from that. Not perfect, but I’m making progress and trying my best to have a better 2021 than 2020. Thanks for the “ear” COPD.net!
1. Carol Kirker Moderator
 Hi EAT! Wow, you have had a lot on your plate! Considering the circumstances of this past year, as well as the personal changes you have been through, it sounds like you are doing a pretty good job handling it. I know you said you’ve had some depression, but give yourself a big pat on the back. Look at what you have accomplished! You also have a great plan moving forward! Pulmonary rehab, even online should be fabulous for you and help with breathing. It certainly did with me and I keep it up with my peddler, yoga and some upper body exercises. Meditation for relaxing is my go to! When I am decluttering, if there is something that means a lot to me but I know I have to let it go, I take a picture of it. You might find that helpful as you go through your own belongings. Have a fantastic and easy breathing day! Thank you for sharing your story with us! Carol (author/moderator)