Ready, Set, Go

Every day has been a race to get functional again. My mom passed away January 16, 2018 from cancer, another close relative was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few weeks ago. My husband has health issues as well. My daughter has been facing new health issues and we have a new grandson as well. On February 25, 2016 my granddaughter went missing and hasn’t been heard of since. Oh, and I have COPD, asthma, arthritis, fibro and a host of other health issues. My body has been on overload and disfunction.
Just breathe… ok to control breathing, use the pursed lip breathing. Remember, this is important for overall health.

Grieving my previous life

Through all of this, I’ve aware that I’m also grieving my previous life. I have been upset that I couldn’t be a caregiver, that I struggled with all the flowers and perfumes. I couldn’t physically clean drawers and closets without help. When I tried to sit, I fell because I couldn’t bend to sit on the stool. I couldn’t plan a meal nor participate in some of the family functions. Sometimes, I couldn’t breathe.

Do my words reach you? Do you hear the I couldn’t, I couldn’t, and I couldn’t? It’s a good thing that I set boundaries for myself. I had to, for my sake and for the others. I was part of the strength of my family but for the past few months, I had put myself on hiatus where I had to stop and let others do because I couldn’t do it. Clearing my mom’s house so that it could be sold was the end of my hiatus, the end of my couldn’t.

Making my list...

So today, as I shake out the cobwebs I’ve been making a list of what I need to do for me, then for my family. My health is most important. Time to get back on my diet and exercise. Time to get back to my COPD friends. Time to shake off that dust and to work on the grieving and emotions that goes with that. Knowing too, that those who suffer from COPD and chronic illness, are prone to depression and anxiety.

Today, I’m back. I’m aware that it’s going to take time, but it’s freeing to decide that I can do this. That it’s okay to smile, that it’s good and healthy. Thinking back, around Christmas time my mom told me how proud she was of me and how she loved my husband. If I wouldn’t have stopped to smell the roses today, I might not have remembered that. That thought came at a wonderful time. It’s okay and I can work on me, while loving my family and being there for my friends. I can continue to mourn, but it’s okay to live. For my overall health, I need to live. So here I am, I’m back. Now, time to look ahead, to function and to see what’s next and I’m looking forward to each and everything.

I hope you too know, it’s important to take the time you need to deal with things in your life, it’s important too, that you don’t stay down too long, because you are a vital person who has living to do. We can’t change the things and events in our lives, we can change how we think of them and how we let them affect our lives.