Love, Adaptation, and COPD

On August 22, 2003, I married my best friend. I worked in the ambulance service while he was in the police force.

We shared so many of the same interests: fishing, shooting, hunting, hiking, swimming, 4-wheeling, dogs, and more. We each even had four kids: two girls and two boys.

Sadly, as we get older, age has been slowing us down. Health is holding us down.

Having a supportive partner

With my husband’s health, it has been slowing him down more and more. Thankfully, though, he has been able to fish some days or visit with the neighbors.

Seldom does he say that he is going anywhere because he can tell that I’m having a ‘down’ or a ‘not feeling good day’ frequently; he isn’t feeling well either.

He does so much besides working part-time. He carries laundry downstairs to wash clothes. I fold it and put it away. He goes to stores so that I don’t have to suffer from scented product aisles and scented people.

We created a pulley system so that the bags of groceries or whatever can easily be hoisted up to the deck. It's ingenious and so much easier on both our backs and knees, his heart and my lungs.

Because of one or all of these, I have trouble standing for long periods and walking some days. My back goes into spasms when I prepare a meal, hand wash dishes, work on crafts, and more. When I sit here and type, those spasms affect my posture and even my breathing.

Challenges in cleaning and daily tasks

Cleaning is so hard, especially in the bathroom and kitchen. Cleaning can be intense and requires more muscle.

The floors are the hardest to clean, especially the bathrooms. Space is tight, and it’s difficult to use a mop effectively; then it takes bending or getting down on my knees.

Even with little to no smell, some products can affect my breathing. I can feel a burn in my chest. Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell if it’s my COPD or asthma that’s affecting me the most. Dust affects me most of all, and it also affects my allergies.

Allergies alone can put me down for two to three days if my face and eyes swell. Other things affect me as well. The steps are so difficult to climb. I stop partway up to breathe.

I do not trust my legs. Sometimes, I worry I’ll fall. Well, sometimes I do fall.

Thankfully, I don’t have to reach far for walls or cabinets often. They are near to reach for and balance on if needed. Unsteady days keep me away from the steps.

My diabetic husband does the heavy work. He also does laundry, groceries, and errands. He cooks for himself if I’m not able to cook—usually soup and sandwich.

I struggle with pain. My pain has worsened, and there is no way to walk through it. Whoever wrote “No Pain, No Gain” is wrong.

Adapting to physical challenges

I find it so sad that I went from struggling to weight loss, having the ability to walk a distance, and feeling successful. Not long after, my pain got worse. So much worse that I could hardly walk anywhere.

Breathing is a struggle, and I have to gauge myself. At times, I have to stop and use my inhaler. I do rescue breaths as needed, too.

In a doctor or hospital setting, here come the wheelchairs again. I have asked the nurses to slow down and not walk as fast if they do let me walk.

I should appreciate it. I thought I had gotten past that need, especially on the shorter distances. I've gone backward, and now it's time to find a new direction.

My kids are over three hours away, and it’s hard for them to come. My daughter, with health issues herself, often offers to come, even though she has a family and animals, too. She has some of the same allergies, so I couldn’t have her dusting or cleaning those closed-off spaces.

Our ongoing journey

I can see my husband struggling more. He has to stop when climbing the steps to catch his breath.

My guess is it's his heart again. He had two stents put in almost six years ago.

I worry about him so much. I’m going to try to do more. I love that man so much and all that he is doing. We talk about it once he sits and relaxes a bit.

He always says don’t worry about it. I don’t worry about it, but I do worry about him.

I think I’ll go to his next doctor’s appointment with him. I don’t tell you these things because I’m trying to be a whiner. I tell you because I want you to understand why I’m basically homebound. Soon, I will be back to physical therapy. That always helps.