A Talk to My Future Self

My oldest daughter and I were talking about life. We talked about some guilt from the past and how we have no control over the future, only over ourselves. She told me that I should write about “Talking To My Future Self”. It sounded like a good idea and the more I think about it the more sense it makes. Talking to myself is usually what helps me to function, to understand things, as well as to give me that boost to keep putting one foot in front of the other, instead of pulling the covers over my head and taking a personal hiatus for a little while.

Dear future self:

We are told not to look backward, that tomorrow is in the future and that we only have the present to live. Yet, we are living today and what we may do, can affect our tomorrow. Because of this, it’s important to talk to our future selves. Writing to our future selves, shouldn’t be any different than the conversations that are had with our everyday selves. It helps to take us out of the moment and to keep us looking forward. On paper though, things always seem different. They are more intense and more honest, more alive. We can usually realize our thoughts, hence, remember them. That’s why journaling can be so important.

Let go of the past

Even though I almost always say that the past is in the past, it can be easy to hold onto guilt about things of the past. The things that we might say, make us who we are today. It’s important to make peace with the past, with self, and with others. It’s time to live in the present and look forward to the future. How do we do that, why do I even want to? I need to forgive myself and others for anything that might be hindering my “living”. I can’t change past relationships or change the fact that I smoked for twenty years. I can’t change that I have COPD. However today, I can to celebrate that I quit smoking fifteen years ago! I can like the person that I am today.

To my future self, help me to accept that the past is the past. It is over. The memories of it helped make me who I am today. Help me celebrate that life. That life gave me family. That life gave me life. Whatever caused COPD and other chronic illnesses, help me to understand that I can’t go backward. It won’t go away. My health is mine to accept, especially since I can’t change it.

Forgiveness

I need to forgive myself of any wrongs I have done to myself and others. I need to forgive others as well. These might be people that I’ve known, maybe a cigarette company, a job, or anyone else that I am upset with or my health. Help to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t do me any good to be upset or hold onto anger. I can’t change them, so this is where I need to let them go. Forgiveness brings peace. It won’t make our COPD go away, but it can help us to find peace. Boy, this sounds like a step program.

Look ahead to the future

To our future selves, help us to realize that there is adventure ahead. We might be able to go out and see what is out there in this vast world. Maybe it will be laid back because we aren’t able to be very active. We may be housebound or in a wheelchair. Maybe it will be a special visitor or we’ll paint a picture.

It might be looking through a window and seeing a beautiful snowfall or a spring day. Maybe we can watch the birds and butterflies, nature is so beautiful. We don’t know what the future brings. We don’t know how long we will live. We don’t know how long the healthy neighbor will live either. It’s important then, to not have expectations about tomorrow, but to look forward to the adventure ahead, no matter how big or how small. Thank you to my future self. I can’t wait!

Here is a link for a story on the stages of grief. This does apply to our present, even our future selves and can be a means of healing.