A Day Out Leads to Ignorance and Rudeness

By Barbara Moore

2 min read

I had a doctor’s appointment; the day was lovely, with the promise of spring around the corner. I was happy to get out of the house for a few hours because it isn’t something I do every day.

Although pleasant to be out of doors, I was shocked to run into some prejudice and ignorance from others.

A day out and about after appointments

Depending on the weather, I can’t and don’t leave the house often. Sometimes when we must, we like to make a day of it.

I always try to get appointments at midday, so once done, we have some time left, and we can do some shopping or go for lunch.

On this day, , my appointment was an early one, and I saw the doctor at 11:00 am. It left us lots of time to do anything we wanted to do after.

We decided to go for lunch and then shopping. It was a restaurant that we had ordered from many times, but we had never actually visited, mainly due to Covid restrictions.

We found a parking spot very close to the entrance, so I decided to use my walker instead of my scooter. I figured I could get in and out with no problem.

It would be easier to squeeze into our allotted space with a walker since it folds compactly.

Facing judgment from others

It was just past noon, so the restaurant was busy. We had to wait to be seated. There was a line, and we were waiting among other hungry patrons.

Suddenly, the lady in front of me turned around and gave me a long look up and down. Then, she nudged her friend and nodded her head toward me.

I was standing right there watching them as they made lots of eye motions and head movements toward me.

This had never happened to me before, and I truly wondered what was going on with them. Then I realized that for someone my age, using a walker with supplemental oxygen was scary for people who were blessed enough to have never needed it.

I thought perhaps that they were past smokers and had a bit of guilt looking at what fate could have been for them.

Choosing happiness over others' ignorance

I was immediately offended because I had never experienced prejudice like this so blatantly in my face. It was certain that I wasn’t bothering them, and I felt they had no reason to make me feel so uncomfortable.

Empathy was missing, and I couldn’t figure out why.

At that moment, I had a stern talk to myself about letting others ruin the good time I was having. I decided that their rudeness would not color my mood or how I felt.

I decided to forgive them for their ignorance, even though I knew it would make no difference to them. My husband and I had a great day of eating and shopping despite my rude neighbors.

Have you ever faced ignorance from others while out? Share them in the comments!

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on January 7th, 2024, Barbara Moore passed away. Barbara’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The COPD.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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kloker Member
Barbara - Ha! I also had an appt today and enjoyed getting out and getting some fresh air. I also used my walker, but my POC is on wheels and my caregiving friend (my neighbor) pulled it along behind me. I don't have a scooter or chariot. I noticed that many so-called healthy people would not make eye contact. I actually find it somewhat amusing that I make them uncomfortable. It kind of makes me want to make monster noises, like grunts or something, to see if I can scare them. Of course, one thing is that even in my wore plumb out condition, I am still bigger than many of them. Too big to ignore, anyway. I try not to get in their way, but I don't mind taking my turn and not apologizing for the time it takes me. If they are inconvenienced that is their problem to deal with, not mine. I've never had a single one make a comment or behave badly. All that said, people are going to be who they are. Who else would they be? If their mamas didn't raise them right, that is not my fault or my problem. I just need to remember that they are who they are, and it's not necessarily their fault. I do try to smile and be polite. That way, if they want to embarrass themselves, I am not helping them do it. They are on their own. I probably don't want to know what's going on in their heads anyway, heck, it might even scare me if I did. There are some weird people out there. It kind of makes me sad for them when I see them living in their heads, reacting instead of acting. But that is their shortcoming, not mine, and it is not my job to fix them. So I just try to be gentle and smile or be pleasant to them and silently wish them well on their way through whatever hell they might be living through. Of course, I have my own idiosyncrasies and some of them look like they could use a good slap up side the head. Again, though, not my task to take on. Let them be who they are. Maybe they will learn later. After all, we are all God's children. Some of us might be in need of some discipline, but that's just my opinion, and I have every right to smile and keep it to myself. I don't have to let it aggravate me, I can let it entertain me instead, which is way more fun! I spend much of my time trying to decide whether we live in a cartoon, a comic book, or a circus, eh? Based on my observations, it's gotta be one of those. Seriously.
1. Jennette B. Member
 <inline-mention username="kloker" user-id="4235094"/>, It's really bad when 1 of your own Grandchildren have that attitude! Her Mother lets her get away with it, even told her outright that she doesn't have to respect me JUST because I'm her Grandmother...WTH?! I raised that girl for 8 years basically!! I was in much better condition back then, so we did everything together, but now that she's a child of divorce, she's turned into something I don't care to associate with. It truly breaks my heart, after being so close, and then she just slammed the door in my face💔 Unfortunately, as you stated, this whole generation is "All about ME" Thank God all of my other Grands are respectful and very loving to me, so now, all I say is her loss😒💔
2. eat2017 Member
 <inline-mention username="kloker" user-id="4235094"/> 😂
Jennette B. Member
Like you both, I have had numerous incidents of prejudice & outright rudeness!! I have learned to be a little tougher- skinned, & turn their miserable hearts over to God. The worst time was before I was put on O2. or my wheelchair. My daughter took me to Walmart to get my Grandbabies some gifts. I was using the cart as my walker. Due to a ton of unsuccessful spinal surgeries, I'm bent almost in half. As we were leaving, I started to get very shaky & dizzy, & my poor daughter knew what was coming next...Yup, down I went, out cold! So there we are, she's trying to hold me up( I'm dead weight), as I come around, I notice all these feet rushing by me...NOT a single person stopped to offer help!! Some of the young ppl even made rude remarks to both of us. I was still very shaky, so my daughter sat my butt on a big pile of mulch, so she could get the car, & finally an elderly gentleman stopped & asked what he could do to help!! He stayed with me while she got the car, & helped her get me me in the car, along with all my shopping bags!! That gentleman was a true blessing and I kept telling him that!! I was still crying in the car, still not believing none of the younger ppl stopped to help! That was my last time inside of a store, because Covid-19 hit shortly after😪
1. eat2017 Member
 <inline-mention username="Barbara Moore" user-id="2412663"/> yes, oopsy, I can’t seem to drive this big thing! I like it.
2. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="eat2017" user-id="2476559"/> Yes, and don't forget to smile! Barbara Moore (author)
Leon Lebowitz, RRT Member
Hi <inline-mention username="Barbara Moore" user-id="2412663"/> - I am so sorry to hear this was your experience for this trip out. I have lots to say too, but I think that our good community members, <inline-mention username="Jennette B." user-id="4681243"/> and <inline-mention username="kloker" user-id="4235094"/>, have covered it all quite nicely!! Thanks, kloker and Jennette!!! Leon (site moderator <a href='http://COPD.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a>)
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Leon Lebowitz, RRT" user-id="2445532"/> thank you Leon. I appreciate your kind response. Barbara Moore (author)
2. Leon Lebowitz, RRT Member
 <inline-mention username="Barbara Moore" user-id="2412663"/> Always, Barbara! Leon (site moderator <a href='http://COPD.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a>)
Tervlvr Member
I do use a portable oxygen concentrator when out and about. Had a woman ask if I had COPD. I told her I had a rare genetic lung disease. Then she asked if I had smoked. I was yes. She then told me I would never have gotten it if I hadn't smoked. Asked her what part of genetic she didn't understand. My Pulmonologist told me I would have Alpha 1 whether I smoked or not.
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Tervlvr" user-id="4768935"/> It just goes to show you how ignorant and miseducated people can be. I often answer this question with, "Do you know that there are other causes of COPD aside from smoking." They end up shocked and surprised by the question, but it opens the opportunity for me to educate them. Then they have something to chew on as they walk away! Thanks for sharing your post with us today. Barbara Moore (author)
krisr Member
I am so sorry that many of you have these awful experiences. I am 70 years old, have very severe COPD, use a wheelchair, and am on supplemental oxygen 24/7. Double whammy; old and disabled. Like many of you I rarely leave my home. Especially during COVID and now because of poor air quality due to forest fires here in Alberta, Canada. I do try to go on an adventure about once per month but it requires a lot of planning and preparation. Remember when we used to go out and about with babies? I watch a lot of television and become discouraged with what I hear on the news. Then I go out and almost always am overwhelmed by the politeness and just general kindness of people. Children are still wonderfully curious. I often get the opportunity to explain to children why I have "those weird things" in my nose and are thanked by their parents. Typically, when I smile at someone I get a smile back. Almost always, I am asked if I need help. People have pushed my shopping cart to the car so my caregiver only needs to push me. Strangers have sat and talked with me while my husband went to get the car. Every time I come back from an outing, I feel refreshed and better about the world we live in. My best advice to you, and myself, is to turn off the tv and get out more. Lets not tolerate rudeness but make every effort to engage with people and help them understand our condition. Having said that, we might want to expand our expletive vocabulary for the rare occasions when we run into garbage people. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="krisr" user-id="2463908"/> Thank you so much for that reply. I can't agree more. Hiding behind our televisions and staying home does not get our message out, and we deserve the distraction from our mundane existence. I am like you, I always feel better after some retail therapy and a bite to eat. I don't stay home because of peoples attitude. It is not my business what others think of me. Barbara Moore (author)
jcupdike Member
Rudeness, no ... All in all, I'd say people are tolerant, but I also am outspoken in expressing myself on the topic. I preach to people about this illness, what I am going through and why. I want the rest of us to know about people who are ill or are struggling to cope in a world that's too loud, too aggressive, too angry and too impatient. Tell 'em what's going on. As a rule, I get a smile and a nod. "Yes, that makes sense now that I hear you express it." How hard it is to breathe, or why you get tired easily or can't push the cart up a slight incline ... or need to take the steps one . at . a . time. I haven't been bruised much by rude people but I also choose my environment. A dance party at the park with 340 screaming kids and panting dogs ... nope, not going there. So the suggestion: Be the teacher as well as the patient. Tell the world what it's like to be you. They may care and they may not care. But they will be smarter for it. Smarter people are happier people. You can see where this is going. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="jcupdike" user-id="2439678"/> I think every moment that can be used as an educational moment is a good moment. Every child wants to learn, and every adult needs to hear it. I really appreciate you sharing your point of view. Barbara Moore (Author)
lonnae Member
The same type of thing used to happen to my son, however, my granddaughter used to get so mad and say to the other children "What are you staring for? Haven't you ever seen a person in a wheelchair before? I think that sometimes we make assumptions such as adults do when we see people in wheelchairs such as, if he's disabled, he must be developmentally delayed. I think it's because they don't know and don't realize how rude it is, or they don't care. Unfortunately, what babies raising babies, they're not being properly. Hence, the ignorant behavior.
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="lonnae" user-id="4809649"/> I can't agree more. I think people are scared of what they are seeing. Could it happen to them or their loved ones. There is also a curious nature about people and they just want to know. If I see them looking like they need information, I will politely ask if they have questions, especially small kids. It can be pretty scary. Thanks for your comment. We appreciate hearing from you. Barbara Moore (Author)
stregarosa Member
Barbara Moore - sorry those people were so rude. Most people where I am are quite compassionate. You were a lot nicer to them than I would have been.
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="stregarosa" user-id="4768993"/> yes, but I saved my sanity and lived for another day. I appreciate your concern but I was only stunned because it has never happened to me before. Barbara Moore (author)
CommunityMembere62eab Member
Many people who would benefit from supplemental oxygen do not, because they are scared of getting the reaction that you did. It is best to take care of your health and ignore the uncaring individuals.
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMembere62eab" user-id="6781419"/> yes, that is true and I hear people saying they do it all the time. It is such a dangerous practice. I wish people understood how dangerous this practice was. It is a crying shame because at yhe end of the days, what other think of you is not your business. Thank you for sharing. Barbara Moore (author)
2. Leon Lebowitz, RRT Member
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMembere62eab" user-id="6781419"/> Well said, CMe62eab - I agree. It is more important (and necessary) to look out for one's own health than to 'fret' over the 'ne'er do gooders' out there! Thank you for joining in the conversation here and sharing your thoughts with the community. We appreciate it! Leon (site moderator <a href='http://COPD.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a>)
Missey Member
Yes i finally made my last flying vacation to cuba, with my 2 daughters , neededy walker and o2 at times, doing ok, little apprehensive, about it all, but never mind, i m here , Then 1 night on my way to dinner, 2 couples in mid 40,s , passed me and walker they all stared, than giggled, then one man turned around and said , OH LOOK, SHE BROUGHT HER TRAINING WHEELS, ALL TURNED AND LAUGHED, i was so hurt people can be so cruel yes i a. 67, end stage, but I kept going ,but it was hard, but i also got a few comments, how brave, i was ect., what a 🌎 
1. Leon Lebowitz, RRT Member
 <inline-mention username="Missey" user-id="6899549"/> Hi Missey, and thanks for joining in this conversation. I see the author of this article, my good colleague, <inline-mention username="Barbara Moore" user-id="2412663"/>, has already weighed in with her own perspective. I also agree with what she's said. I do hope you have an opportunity to read it. From my own perspective, try to let those positive comments (which you shared with us here), clearly overshadow the challenging experience from some callous folks who probably were drinking! (thanks, Barbara!!). I know this was difficult to endure but, I believe many of us have had negative experiences while on vacation for any number of inane <a href='http://reasons.Clearly' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>reasons.Clearly</a>, it is the 'jokester' who needs 'help'! All the best, Leon (site moderator <a href='http://COPD.net' target='_blank'>COPD.net</a>)
2. Melissa.Arnold Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Missey" user-id="6899549"/> I might expect that sort of thing from a younger person, but not people in their 40s. Ridiculous. Most of us will end up needing support some day -- too many forget that. Personally, as someone with a lifelong disability I also get frustrated with positive comments, even though I realize they come from a place of kindness. I am living my life just like everyone else -- no need to congratulate me! 😉 That said, I know it's not easy to manage a trip with COPD, especially while flying. So I'm glad you did it and I hope you have a lot of good memories to scrub out the frustrating encounter. -Melissa, <a href='http://copd.net' target='_blank'>copd.net</a> team
MaryBlue Member
If people are being prejudice with me, I don't know about it. However, I am hard on myself and won't use a scooter in a store. I like to think it's because I don't want to give into this idea I have if this meaning I am worse in my illness. My husband uses it frequently and encourages me to. I will use my walker in a place without baskets if we are going to be a while. My experience so far is mostly positive, with others wanting to help or make room. My grandchildren and children have no problems and are never embarrassed. I am truly blessed. I pray for the public to be educated and to be able to empathize. Our illness, no illness makes anyone a lesser human being. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="MaryBlue" user-id="6772401"/> i love your attitude. Keep that up and you will have a great life. Barbara Moore (author)
2. MaryBlue Member
 <inline-mention username="Barbara Moore" user-id="2412663"/> Thank you, and very best wishes for you! Sometimes when I go shopping, I'll put my rolling tank in the basket and even an extra one. Sometimes I'll use my walker, I have a large one, and I'll do the same, lay my rolling tank across and an extra. It's really humorous. My husband has a small dolly, and he has banded two tanks together, and I've pulled that around, and if too heavy, he sometimes pulls it for me. My grandchildren are constantly getting them out of the car and putting them back for me. When I walk around, I guess I feel so uplifted that I don't even feel the prejudice around me, if it's there. I guess my secret then is that my family is so supportive, and shows no shame to the point that I almost dare anyone to say anything, knowing I have everyone there to protect me from all that may be ugly. It's also possible that I have reached a maturity, finally, that I feel I have a place here on this Earth, and noone can take that away. As I read over what I write, I say this is impossible, but then it is true.
heuchera Member
 I've never had this happen. Most of the time when I go shopping people just ignore my oxygen. My problem is I'm usually the only one in the store wearing it. Where are all you folks out there? I'd sure love company! Shortly I'll be moving to a new area and would love to develop an informal group who could meet either online or just help each other out whether it be a ride, dinner out, shopping, or just plain talking for a few moments as many of us live alone and it's quite lonely. My guess is that you feel rather uncomfortable or embarrassed wearing oxygen when in public places and perhaps are more sensitive if someone stares. Just keep going out and ignore any stares and in time you'll become more confident and frankly, won't care. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="heuchera" user-id="2456956"/> Thanks for popping in and leaving your comments. I couldn't agree more with what you said. I do not normally care about what people say and it was odd that I did this day. I too am often the only one in the store with 02 and wonder where everyone else is. I think you idea of having an inclusive group is a wonderful idea. Keep us posted about your progress and enjoy. Barbara Moore (author)
Blackbird Member
Yes, Definitely. It is especially hurtful because it is Family members who say I am faking also someone that was very close at one time. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="Blackbird" user-id="2405191"/> Sometimes with a diagnosis like ours, it is time to do a flush of people who no longer serve us. I had to eliminate many friends and family after I got sick because I could see that my illnes scared them. Rather than forcing the issue, I found new people who were happy to have me in their life. It isn't mean but I just don't want to feel this way on a daily basis. Thanks for popping in. Barbara Moore (author)
pjbg Member
I am so upset reading these comments. I am on oxygen 24/7. Like some of you, I don't get out much. I have never experienced the ignorance that some of you have. I have always encountered very nice people wanting to help. I am sorry for all the disrespect you have encountered. I hope it stops. 
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 <inline-mention username="pjbg" user-id="8399707"/> thank you. I appreciate you having my back. It stops when you stop givin it erergy and simple ignore it.. Barbara Moore (author)

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