Don’t Judge Me with COPD 

I can’t tell you how many times my mom cried out those words. The problem was, she was only saying them to me – in private – because it was too painful to say out loud to the offending person. It was usually after a public encounter with someone who had made her feel bad. It wasn’t easy to get my mom down. Sometimes, when she got slammed or criticized, I knew she felt awful.

I came up with some “don’t judge me with COPD” comebacks to make her laugh.

Of course, I felt awful for her and would offer to go after the offending party. She always talked me out of it. I rehearsed what I would say many times. Mom and I actually got pretty ridiculous about it. We had a lot of good laughs over the years about the things people say.

A confession: On certain occasions, it feels good to make fun of people who are judging someone I love. Even if there is a streak of meanness, it does take out some of the stings. Mama knew that, and I believe she secretly loved telling me what was said just to get me going. Here were some of my responses:

Don’t Judge Me with COPD

Judgement: I see that your doctor is making you wear an oxygen tube all the time now. Must feel just awful for your nose.

Response: I see where you’re nostril hairs are getting pretty long. Maybe an oxygen tube would help slow the growth.

Judgement: Maybe it’s just me, but you seem to have aged a lot since you got diagnosed.

Response: It must be hard for you to talk about looks since that plastic surgeon messed up your face.

Judgement: You smoked cigarettes for a lot of years.

Response: Yeah. I had a hard time concentrating when I stopped smoking. I hear that when you need to concentrate, you just stare at a box of frozen orange juice.

Judgement: Some people don’t learn easily. Me? I’ve never been bound by a habit that could harm me.

Response: It’s nice how you can pull off being a hateful old bag and the harmful effects are only seen inside of you.

Judgement: If I had a disease like yours, I would sue the tobacco industry.

Response: If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.

Judgement: Poor thing, having to haul all those medicines with you.

Response: How brave of you to be cruel in a world where kindness is regarded as intelligent.

Judgement: You look so weak and frail in that wheelchair. It must feel so sad carrying all those bags.

Response: Say it again and I’ll stand up and show you what an oxygen bottle on the head feels like.

Judgement: I know you tried to shop for the occasion. It’s not easy when you’re so weak with COPD.

Response: You’re right, but it’s easy to ignore gifts for people who are bad-tempered, so don’t worry about getting anything from me this year.

Some of the judgments may have been a bit embellished, but many were delivered flat out cold and cruel. If you knew me, it would be easy to see that my heart is huge and I truly wouldn’t harm a flea. But when mom and I were alone, and she was dealing with criticism, don’t judge me with COPD comebacks were fun. I’d do the same for you.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


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