Dear Family,

By Barbara Moore

2 min read

I want to thank you for being the people to take care of me. From the time we got married and had children, my life path changed.

A grateful journey

I had no idea how happy I could be just taking care of my family. Your dad must be applauded for encouraging me to stay home and raise my babies.

Staying home until that need was fulfilled and you were old enough to be independent helped more than you will ever know. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without those years and you in them.

My life lessons began in earnest when you were born. I drank you in and watched in wonder as you grew and marveled at how each season you became new people with different preferences.

Watching you while nurturing you was all I could do. I truly want you to know that I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my life with anyone but you guys.

Navigating marriage and chronic illness

My husband is the kindest man I have ever known. While neither of us was flawless through the marriage, he has certainly made up for it by taking care of me.

No matter the issue he takes care of it for me, and he does more than any husband should have to do for his wife. When you are diagnosed with a chronic illness like COPD, the spouse just naturally gets the caregiver role, whether they want it or not.

Some don’t do well at it like my husband does. I consider myself a very lucky person to have him as my caregiver.

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The impact of COPD on family

Your eyes give you away and I am so sorry to acknowledge that my chronic illness has not been easy on you either. I never wanted to be the wife/mother that depended on family support for the smallest things but here we are, and this reality can’t be changed.

Watching others my age enjoying life with their children and grandchildren reminds me that will not happen for me.

My life has been a struggle for the last 20 years or so. After spending considerable time trying to hide my symptoms, I finally had no choice but to acknowledge them and my COPD.

I needed to learn how to stay in my head as I relearned to navigate each step, each movement, and each task as they needed to be done. COPD is not an easy disease and nothing about having it has been easy for me.

Unspoken support

I am not asking you to understand, I would never want you to know the horrors of gasping for each breath while your heart is pounding so hard in your chest. So, I'm glad that you don't understand my COPD.

It's not your job to understand what's going on with my health. I only ask that you empathize and find compassion for my chronic illness.

So thank you. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do.

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on January 7th, 2024, Barbara Moore passed away. Barbara’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The COPD.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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CommunityMembere98ca0 Member
Hi, I’ve been on oxygen 24/ 7 since 2016. Always the tough one, my second husband had cancer before I got the copd & I took on a heavy load, he has had more cancer over the years. We are both retired ,he is older,I keep that in mind. for the last 2 years he seems to think I’m not that bad off & excepts me to not get upset if need help with opening the hot oven. I love my husband as my Boys do so I try not complain to them. I’m filling when is enough, enough? Sherry can anyone relate?
Barbara Moore Moderator
I wonder if you husband understands how hard it is for you. He can't know if you don't tell him, so I urge you to have a frank chat with him. If nothing changes, talk to your doctor and ask him if there is any help for you. I am truly sorry that this is happening. It isn't fair and this disease is really hard to live with. Breatheasy, Barbara Moore (author)
Aspen Member
I totally understand your issues and sympathize with you. Your situation is far too common coming from relatives who do not understand the impact that COPD has on it's patients. This is mainly because family members and caregivers are NOT GIVEN enough information about the disease! It would help if pulmonary specialists and doctors provided written information and instructions about the disease, and how fickle it can be--in that we can appear fine one day and gasping for breath and assistance from others in another! This lack of information about COPD causes added stress, confusion and sickness for COPD sufferers-- not to mention the needless arguments and sometimes even abuse coming from clueless family members. The medical industry and pulmonary specialists need to get on top of this! COPD is not given the attention it deserves.
1. Barbara Moore Moderator
 We have to work harder to bring awareness to our disease becsuse we who suffer are the experts. It is pur job to share knowledge and education, if only in short spurts. This community appreciates your comments. Barbara Moore (author)
2. Melissa.Arnold Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Aspen" user-id="6759816"/> You are absolutely right ... education is so important both to make sure patients get the care they need, as well as addressing misconceptions and raising awareness in the wider community. That's a big part of why this site exists! Glad you're here sharing in that mission with us, Aspen. -Melissa, copd team