Fickle Friendships

How could I have known that people from my past would join me in my current life?

It was, after all, me that changed. And a lot about me changed.

Acknowledging this allows me to extend more leniency toward those that refuse to understand or accept the limitations of my new life.

Putting family before friends

My family has always been first and foremost in my life. Being so family-oriented , I barely had enough energy to invest in my friendships.

Investing in my family made it easier for me to walk away from friendships. It was my family that moved with me to the present. They stepped up and learned what I needed from them.

I find that people come into my life for a season or a reason. Some people are not meant to be in your life for a lifetime, and some are only there for the lesson.

Once the lesson is learned, and their job is done, these friends move on. I never had a friend I could depend on for the things I needed my family to do.

Friends do not feel a sense of obligation to the extent that family does.

Keeping my distance

Perhaps, because one must be a good friend to have a good friend, this was all my fault. Keeping people at arm’s length was always easy because I always had my family to fall back on.

I had many friends, but I only felt a long-term bond with a few. Alas, they also eventually moved on.

As I aged and my illness developed, I began keeping secrets from everyone. Everyone gets a sense of secrets being kept, making everyone wonder what you are up to and hiding from them.

While my crew was going for a cigarette, I stayed put because I did not have the energy to go out and come back in again.

Hiding my symptoms from others

I could have told them the truth, but I lied, saying I was trying to quit.

I talked a good talk and walked a good walk, but when an adult lies, everyone knows deep down that something you said was not truthful and that you are not being honest. After I was diagnosed and put on a ventilator, people began to realize how far I went to lie to them.

They were mad that they didn’t know the truth, and rightfully so. They had not been invited into the inner circle of what was happening.

They didn’t know this, but nobody was in the inner circle, not even me.

Since I did little research on what was wrong with me or how to manage it, I knew very little about myself.  I didn’t have time for research because I was too busy working on ways of hiding my symptoms.

I was one of those people who never got the letters COPD correct and didn’t know what they stood for. No wonder friends didn't get it.

They knew something was wrong because I refused to share.

Have you found yourself in situations like this? Share in the comments below!

Editor’s Note: We are extremely saddened to say that on January 7th, 2024, Barbara Moore passed away. Barbara’s advocacy efforts and writing continue to reach many. She will be deeply missed.