Redefining Being a Karen

When my mom met Karen at the last job she had in early 2000, she found in Karen a funny, supportive, younger version of herself. She began to consider Karen as her work daughter, and their friendship evolved into that of best friends despite the age difference of over 20 years.

A bond strengthened

Their friendship deepened when my mom stopped working due to her increased shortness of breath and desire to start retirement. They would gather for dinner, Karen would come over after work, and they kept in contact by phone a few times a month.

Over the years I would reach out to Karen to assist with discussing care changes, enlist her support at doctor's appts, and ask her to be a sounding board for the countless family dynamic hurdles I was navigating while caring for my mom during her 15-year journey with COPD. Karen never faltered, never wavered, and was loyal to the absolute end.

When I needed help coaxing my mom to get to the urgent care after a COPD flare-up since she declined my calling the ambulance, Karen came right after work and was able to be another lobbying voice of reason for not only me but for my mother.

A friend in life's final moments

Through many hospitalizations, falls, COPD flare-ups, rehab stays, and ultimately palliative, hospice, and beyond, Karen never wavered. When my mom took her last breath, I called my boss to do the responsible thing and was advised I had to log off the computer since my mom just passed away.

My next call was to Karen. She was on her way home and took the detour to get to us as fast as she could.

She entered the door to our home with such a heavy heart. She embraced me as her sister and made it to the bedside of our beloved Eileen to hold her hand and say her goodbyes.

As the hospice team and the funeral home staff entered our living room as they were taking care of preparing to take My mom. For some reason, I was scared to watch this process.

I did everything a loving daughter and caregiver of 15 years needed to do for her mother without hesitation. This last aspect of caring for her and watching her being prepared to leave our home for the final time was not something I could do.

Karen made sure they treated her with the most respect. Karen followed the undertakers out the door and walked with me to the waiting van that would drive her to the funeral home. 

Unwavering love and loyalty

Karen again entered into the messy yet oh-so-sacred space of our home and joined us in our COPD journey. She showered us with acceptance, love, respect, and loyalty to the end.

The name Karen can only mean to me a picture of friendship, sisterhood, love, and loyalty. Everyone should be fortunate to have a Karen in their lives as they navigate COPD as a patient or caregiver.