COPD and Me (As a Novel Concept)
I'm 70 and was unofficially told about my COPD in 2015. Interestingly, back in the '90's my mom had it and I took care of her until she passed in 1999. I remember being at the hospital with a bunch of family all night on the night she passed, and how we all took turns going downstairs and out for smoke breaks all night long. How did I not see the fallacy of this then? Had I chosen to quit then I want to think my life would have been different now, at least to some degree. I could have kept working a couple more years and saved my entire income. And yes, I did quit many, many times over the years, but always went right back. But the reality is that I kept smoking until I literally nearly died one day. Waking up in the ED and being told I had severe pneumonia on top of as yet untreated COPD and that I needed to fight to survive at all was a shock, but I find myself wondering now why, when the plain truth is that it all snuck up in front of me and not behind me! And I let it! What am I, crazy?!?!? Well, I guess it depends on who you ask. It's easy enough to see it now. Luckily, I have survived, and I have the ability to see the comical ridiculousness of it. My sense of humor has always been an important coping mechanism, and I am certainly grateful for it now.
Humor helps me accept it all and hold back the fear in the dark times. There have been a lot of them this year, and my life seems to be destined to remain filled with them not only with the COPD but with my life as well. My brother (and roommate) is dying of cancer and in the hospital, I am about to lose my home of 26 years, and I'll be moving to another city to be near my kids and grandkids, and live in a one-bedroom apartment, after giving up all my "stuff." And I am alone and attempting to struggle through this as best I can. Two of my three lifelong best friends are also dying, one of COPD.
Life is bleak some days. But I look forward to spending much time with my sons and my two grown granddaughters after the move, and after years of forced isolation from them due to my job. I am also striving with all the will I can muster to get outside and back able to have mobility again, as soon as my newly approved POC arrives. I do have a lot to do before I move, selling off stuff and putting that money back as I lighten my load. So, I am not bored, or without purpose or a plan. Just a little short on energy. But I will keep plugging away at it, all the while laughing when I can, listening to my music, and accepting the help I get every day to keep on trucking. I am a retired truck driver, after all!
Hi kloker - we appreciate you sharing so much of your medical (and some social) history here with the community. I think the expression is "hindsight is 20-20", isn't that right?! If only we could've...life would've been different! But, that was history.
However, living in the present and for the future is the way to go, from my perspective. It sounds to me like you are also focused on your bright future. I still admire your positive approach, 'can do' attitude and, of course, your sense of humor.
Keep at it kloker - your new life with family is waiting for your arrival!
Warm regards,
Leon (site moderator COPD.net)Thanks Leon! I hope you and yours have a safe and blessed season. I have a status update from yesterday:
My social worker informed me by email that she doesn't know how else to help me as all her whopping couple of hours of looking into it have come to naught. I can see now that I am going to have to see if I can motivate her somehow to continue helping until the job is done.
Also, my oxygen provider is still waiting for the manufacturer to ship my new POC. They guy also said this was typical and not unusual. It's already been a month. I asked for an estimate, and he has no idea, but says he will call them on Monday and ask for me. So, my most desired Christmas gift is running late, and I have no way of knowing how long it will be now. I have to say that IMO this level of service is weak on the part of the provider and the maker, as well as Medicare. All I can say to this is that, in my working life and career, no such service failure would ever have been tolerated, not even for a minute. But it appears that my frustration will fit nicely as dressing on a wish sandwich. Oh, well. We have an unofficial saying in AA: Life sucks and then you live. I will just have to wait.
Hi again, kloker, and thanks once again for the latest update. I remain disappointed in the support (or lack thereof), on the part of the social worker. It is somewhat incomprehensible that she cannot provide any assistance to you. Perhaps reaching out to a supervisory person might get this moving along. Sometimes being the 'squeaky wheel' will get you some help. I'm not a big fan of going up higher but, sometimes, in certain cases, it is the only way to go. Do you think that might help in your case?
Wishing you well,
Leon (site moderator COPD.net)
I hear you. If the truth be told, I did exactly what you did. As my mother was dying, undiagnosed COPD, I too was taking my turn to leave and have a cigarette. I am so happy that those days are behind me now. It is a shame it had to come from almost dying before I got the message.
Push through and do what you can, and no more. Remember, one step, one day at a time while pacing and using Pursed Lips. Good luck on your upcoming move. I hope it gives you renewed energy. Barbara Moore (Moderator)
