I’m 56 years old and a mess! I feel very much alone
RATE
Profile photo of C. Moore

I know 56 is not old, but my body just seems to be falling apart. I was diagnosed (guessing) about 13-14 years ago with COPD. I am now in stage 3, and yes I am sorry I still smoke. I know I am going to die more sooner than later unless I can get a grip and quick *heavy sigh*. Besides having stage 3 COPD I also have neuropathy in my hands and feet, osteoporosis in my neck and hips, heart arrhythmia, and of course my eye sight has gotten much worse, and I have put on a significant amount of weight in the last year. Plus I deal with anxieties and some depression.

I know there are millions of other people out there that have it much worse off than me. I’m not sitting here having a pity party for myself thinking “Why me?”. But I do look at myself in the mirror a lot of times and think my life seems to be going spiral downhill for not being so old. I think about all the things I used to be able to do and I can’t do any more. Of course that bothers me. I look at the weight I have gained, and I don’t like that at all, and I really don’t feel very good about myself. I look at myself in the mirror most of the time and I think Blah!

I have been married to a man for a little over 16 years, whom I do love, but is a total slob –sorry just stating the truth. I have found that I just can’t pick up after him like I used to, nor do I want to, or have the energy to. Usually when I ask him to do something it is always more than once, which is exhausting in itself. He’s just not a big help even though he knows my health is deteriorating, which hurts my heart. I have learned through the years I just can’t take care of my house as much as I used to be able to. We don’t live in filth, far from it, it’s just not as clean as used to be or I would like it to be. My dream is to someday in the near future be able to own a 400 sq ft. tiny home – something that I can take care of and keep up with all by myself. I can only hope. Anyway, as far as my husband goes he is very good about taking me to all my doctor appointments, and I “think” he somewhat hears what they have to say – but he really isn’t there for me mentally, emotionally, or physically.

I have 3 sons that are grown. Two of which live out of state. I do hear from them from time to time. One (my baby) who lives in the same state and I do see him a few times a month, but he is too wrapped up in his own life to really think, care, or worry about his mom.

I have 2 grandsons who I wish I could see more. The oldest of the 2 was my “light” besides Jesus. I used to watch him a lot, and I enjoyed every minute of it. He kept me going. Unfortunately about 6 months ago his mother decided he was spending too much time with me :'(

I do have 2 sisters and my dad that live fairly close by too, but again everybody is so wrapped up in their own lives these days. So bottom line is: I feel very much alone, and sometimes it does feel like nobody else cares.

Sorry for the long post :'(

Stories posted on COPD.net solely represent the personal points of view, experiences and opinions of their authors.
advertisement
SubscribeJoin 11,000 subscribers to our weekly newsletter.

Your username will be visible to others.


Reader favorites