Caregiver support

My husband is in stage 4. He will not quit smoking and all he does is sit at the table drink coffee and smoke. The only time he isn’t smoking is when he is using his oxygen. Recently he has become short of breath when doing anything. He will not talk to me about how he’s feeling but I feel he is getting worse. He has been in stage 4 for about 3 years. I am so worried. Any suggestions about how to get him to open up about things would be great. Just don’t know what to expect.

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View Comments (2)
  • luvmylife1948
    8 months ago

    Men are by nature the problem solvers for their wife and men somehow like to keep their problems to themselves. They have their pride and perhaps feel like a wimp if they start sharing. Also he may feel vulnerable to sharing, or even perhaps secretly scared of the outcome of his condition and feeling he wants to care for you and is not able to in the way he wants to with a life illness.
    You may want to tell him how concerned you are about Him because He is the most important person in your life and it hurts you not being able to help him more.
    Get paper out. Play a game. Ask Him to put down on paper at least 5 things that scare him about his condition or about life in general. You do the same including how worried you are about him etc. This will be the ice breaker to sharing more. Sometimes Men just need a kick start. Make him feel comfortable and it is not SHAME to be in his condition and you want to know how you can help him? I hope this suggestion helps. Best wishes

  • Leon Lebowitz, BA, RRT moderator
    8 months ago

    Hi Bethgray and thanks for your post. You are in a difficult position as the wife/caregiver for whom your husband/patient has not been openly talking about his condition. It is not unusual though, and it’s certainly not personal. Although it’s challenging, you may want to accompany him on his physician visits – sometimes in concert with his physician, the two of you will be more successful in having him open up. If not, perhaps the physician will be able to provide guidance. Good luck! Leon (site moderator)

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