The COPD Auto-Correct Lexicon

"I had to inject epic into the patient."

Yes, that was a failed autocorrect. The word I wanted to use was “epi.”

I like autocorrect for the most part. I find it very helpful, most of the time.

It is nice because I am a person who incorrectly types on my phone. Yes, I know I do it incorrectly because my kids tease me about how I text. This is because I do it with the pointer finger of my left hand.

Texting tips from my children

Is there a correct way to text? I figured whatever works for you works. But my kids say you are supposed to use your thumbs to text.

They show me how they do it. They move their thumbs along in a rhythmic pattern across the mini iPhone keyboard.

I say something along the lines of, “You can do that because you have little thumbs.”

They say something witty like, “Watch any adult type then, dad. You will see they use their thumbs.”

Okay. Fine. But I’m not changing.

I have had my iPhone since January of 2018. Yes, I was eight years late getting mine. My kids teased me about that too. “Why don’t you get up to date, Dad?”

“Because I don’t want your mom calling me when I’m out of the house. I’d never get any rest,” was the line I stuck to until I finally caved.

I had many friends with iPhones and noticed how their phones would always beep. “What, does that thing beep every time you get a text or email?” I’d ask. And, of course, I’d get a quick, “Yep!” was the reply.

How annoying.

I eventually caved like most of us did and got myself an iPhone. Of course, like so many, now I’m addicted to it.

But I don’t want to hear the beep whenever I get a text or email. So, sometimes I don’t respond to them right away. And, you guessed it, my kids tease me about that too.

Workplace autocorrect mistakes

Unlike my kids, I don’t pay attention when I text. At work, I send goofy text messages like :

• “The cops patient is on a biosphere.”
• “Would you like to try that cops patient on clap.
• “Can I try the patient on spirits?”
• “Hey, where is the Pulse Oxidation?”
• “The new Re-elect inhaler is really nice. I hear lots of cops patients love it.”
• “I currently take Symbiotic. But I have also tried Breo and Duper’s.”
• “Sool to sounds like steel toe.”

Sometimes I catch my error and correct myself. Although, in my circle of healthcare people, certain autocorrects we just know. So we stopped correcting the autocorrects. And we just let them slide as our inside joke.

We refer to our autocorrect lexicon:

• Cops = COPD
• Biosphere =  BiPAP
• Clap = CPAPSpirits = Spiriva
• Duo event. Duoneb
• Re-elect = Trelegy
• Nebula error = Nebulizer
• Pulse Oxidation = Pulse Oximeter
• Pulse Oxygen = Pulse Ox
• Symbiotic = Symbicort
• Level uterine = Levalbuterol
• Cope explain = Xopenex
• Duper’s = Dulera
• Bro Anazon = Brovana
• Tudor a = Tudorza
• Sere vent = Serevent
• Stool to = Stioilto
• Amorous = Anoro

It’s to the point now that I HAVE to have an iPhone. I can’t even pick up my kids from school without using it.

It’s a part of my life now. It’s probably a part of yours too.

There are a lot of us chronic lungers out there. There are a lot of us healthcare folks.

Sure, we have other ways of communicating. Still, texting remains one of them. So, I think it’s time for autocorrect to update its system with healthcare terms. What do you think?

Also, the above-listed corrections are just some that I can think of. If you’d like to add to our list, please do so in the comments below.