Taking A Step Backwards

Today I have taken a step backward. Yes, backward. Sometimes it is good to look back, because that’s telling me I’m doing something positive and really looking at myself. And yes, it’s a good thing. I know I can’t change anything, so I won’t get tied into remorse and bad feelings.

Hey, I even looked in the mirror today. I saw a heavy person. No, I didn’t like what I saw. Yes, I know I need to lose weight, but this is one of those moments where I’m not making excuses. No negativity allowed.

Today I’m seeing the real me and am okay with that.

I need the push it takes for me to do some things. I need to believe I can.

In a way it’s like COPD. Sometimes we do need to take a step backward. We need to realize all that we have come through to get to this place. We need to realize that no matter what happened to get us here, it isn’t to make us feel bad. We need to know that there is no way to change our past. Looking backward can help us to see the mountains we have climbed and the rivers we have swum, to become the wonderful people we are today. Yes, wonderful. That can be difficult to see, especially if we're unhappy with ourselves or our lives. Yet, it is so important. You see, we are fighting a battle. I realize that whenever I get short of breath, struggle with a tight chest and/or feel so tired. Yet, we are succeeding. The road may be difficult, but each and every day, we find a new way to do things, a new way to accept our lives and to even accept ourselves for who we are. We can look in the mirror and see what we really look like on the outside and realize what we need to do to help us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it’s how we look, whether it’s a diet or even a haircut. Haircuts always make me feel better on the outside and that’s something I can do to feel better now. The diet I will work at every day. On the inside, that’s where we often feel sick, as well as sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yet, we are above that because we are living life to our fullest capabilities.

I'm so grateful that we don’t have to do this alone.

When we go to a support group, we see others going through similar things. You see, they are on a journey of life too. I'm so grateful that we don’t have to do this alone. There are our family and friends who have been with us always. They might not always understand, because they are unfamiliar with us being sick, as well as the other things we experience. Most of them do try, and I'm so blessed. There is also our COPD family. They won’t let us look back for very long, because they are taking us along on their journey as well. They will support us and they understand.

I like going through photos. They are a big part of our journey of life. Who we were from infancy through today. It’s wonderful to remember parents, grandparents, and other relatives, our children, and grandchildren. Some who have passed away. Photos can bring us all back together again. How fun to talk with my brothers, cousins, and children about the “old days." Yes, I really did walk 9 blocks home from school in a blizzard. Silly me. There is pain knowing we can never have those times back, but we have the memories, and I believe they bring us closer to our family and friends. They remind us of the good times and the hard things that we encountered. They are the memories of what made us who we are today. How fun to call one of my brothers and ask if he remembers such and such a time. He may or may not, but I have the photo to prove it! How fun it is! That too continues to help us maintain and grow in our relationships.

Always remember, taking a step backward can be healthy.

However, it isn’t advised, unless you are looking to remember the part of your journey that you have lived, built and remembered. Things that you can share with your children and grandchildren. That’s their heritage too.