Saying Goodbye

On January 16, 2018 I said goodbye to my mom. She didn’t have COPD, she had 2 types of cancer. It was a blessing, because the cancer had affected her sinus, ears and then throat. Just before she passed, she lost all her voice. It was also thoughout her body. She had been restless and her oxygen sats were low. My daughter laid down with her and they prayed, it was then that she passed. Just before one brother got there, 10 minutes before I got there and maybe 25 minutes before my other brother arrived. It had to be that way, if the rest of us were there, it would likely have been less peaceful. I am so grateful to my daughter for living with my mom the past year, to be there and to care for her. I am saddened because I was unable to do more than visit. We live 3 hours away from each other. I believe my mom and dad are together in a much better place. It’s still hard and I’m struggling, but I’m sharing this to hopefully help others.

My COPD family and friends

Stepping back now, I think of my COPD family and friends. Some of us are very close, and some are casual acquaintances. We share struggles and happiness. We see our COPDers enter the hospital and respond with prayer when asked. I share messages from COPDers to the group and talk with family members when asked. It’s such a blessing to hear that they are feeling better and released from the hospital.

Yet, it isn’t this way with all our COPD friends. We hear what they are going through when they are sick. Their discussions with their doctors and relationships with family. We hear discussions of transplants, lung volume reductions, palliative care and hospice. We hear some say they want to die. We hear and we fear. Our heart goes out to these. Some begin to fear their own mortality. Then comes a message that a friend has passed away.

Sharing your grief...

We reach out to the family with a message on our friends Facebook site. We discuss the loss of our friend in our COPD site or support group. Their might be discussion too, on how this affects us and we are able to share our grief.

I know that losing our friends affects me too. I’m so grateful when someone lets us know that our friend has passed away. It breaks my heart when we don’t receive notice, or that nothing is posted on their Facebook page. Sometimes that page is just gone. I grieve that loss, the loss of not knowing as well. It’s important that we are able to grieve and to say goodbye as we are able.

Goodbyes are not often discussed, until they happen. They do affect our hearts and our minds, as we have often given a part of ourselves. It’s important to realize though, that someday we all will die. We don’t know why or when. Like my dad’s doctor told us, “no one has a crystal ball” and that’s true. We don’t know what will cause our demise, I keep saying that I’ll get run over by a bus. Though some might feel fear what lay ahead, that fear can affect our health, because there are no answers. If it’s heavy on your mind, talk about it and find a way to make peace. No matter how your feel or what you think, you still have living to do.

This isn’t goodbye, it’s until we meet again.