How Fast a Good Day Can Turn Bad With COPD
This past Saturday, I attended a beautiful fall wedding. The temperature was perfect and was in the high 60s. The sun was shining; the leaves were turning colors. The wind was treacherous for me, and I’m sure it was just plain annoying for everyone else. The day was still beautiful and magical, and I don’t mean to take anything away from it.
Thankfully, someone parked my van for me so they could drop me right at the wedding site. I wanted to share how fast a good breathing day could get into something bad.
Battling breathlessness
From the start of getting out of my van, I had breathing problems. Grabbing my portable and everything that I might need for the night, the wind took my breath away. I took the last seat in the last row because it was the closest to my drop-off spot.
I debated on standing there to catch my breath or trying to hurry to my seat to try to turn away from the wind. I should have taken a break. I was gasping for air, and as many of you know, this can zap all of your energy.
As other guests started to arrive, I was so thankful to see my brother and his wife come and sit with me. I was thinking before that I would need help walking into the barn after the wedding was over. I know others don’t mind helping me, but I still hate to ask.
I was thankful for their company as we were waiting for the wedding to start and thankful because I knew I could count on them for help. I had to sit sideways towards my brother during the ceremony because, facing forward, the wind just took all of my breath. I bet they just loved me looking at them most of the time instead of the wedding party! What a site it must have been.
Restroom dilemma
If others could see me, they probably thought I wasn’t paying attention to the wedding party. I did get to hear the vows and the ceremony, though. It was very beautiful and had its funny moments. It really was a unique and memorable ceremony.
Making it through the ceremony was one thing, but now, after sitting in the wind and having breathing problems, you know what goes hand in hand with that. I needed to use the restroom, and I had two options.
A struggle against anxiousness
They had some nice porta bathrooms with sinks on-site. They also had some restrooms in the barn. I kept looking which way was closer.
The porta bathroom looked much closer but even farther away from the barn, which would make a long walk back from the bathroom, but I knew I had to go soon. My brother and sister-in-law also had to go, so they walked with me that way. I had to stop halfway, and I gasped for air.
As I made my way over to the bathroom, I kept debating whether it was the right thing to do. After I got there, I still needed to go up the steps to the bathroom, which made me even more nervous and short of breath.
My anxiety was already high, and I kept wondering if I kept pushing myself and if I would end up needing an ambulance. I decided not to use that bathroom and tried to make it to the reception area, use that bathroom, and find our seats.
Thank goodness that the walk to the barn was away from the wind. This did help, but as we were making our way into the barn with many breaks in between, we noticed it might be a while before we got to our seats.
I was trying not to draw attention to my situation. It can be so embarrassing, even though I knew it shouldn’t be. All I could think about earlier that day was celebrating with my family and enjoying our time together.
Making a difficult decision
All I could concentrate on now was how I would enjoy the rest of the night when I still couldn’t catch my breath. I bet I burned many calories that afternoon, trying to keep my breath intact.
Noticing I wasn’t getting any better and my anxiety was getting the worse of me, I decided to call it a day. I knew there was no getting better that day and only going backward.
I was so thankful for all of the help I got, but I just needed to get home. My brother pulled up the van, and I took off for home.
I cried all the way home that day. I cried because I felt sorry for myself at that moment. I cried for the embarrassment and because I was mad at my husband for not going with me to be my Superman that day.
I also cried that I was mad at myself for being selfish for all of those things. I think my lungs are still recovering from that day, but I'm glad I was able to go out to the ceremony, at least.
I don’t want these lungs telling me what I can and can not do.
Have you had moments like this? Please share with us in the comments below.
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