Why?

The other day, when I was physically down, I asked myself again, “why can’t I get anything done?” It hit me emotionally as well.

I forget how much this wipes me out

I have so much energy on this day. I decide that I’m going to do some dusting and the glass. Then hubby can vacuum when he gets home. By the time I dust the coffee table, end tables and ledges, I’m wiped out. My eyes are itching. I’m coughing and I feel so tired and short of breath. I chide myself because I know these things will trigger my COPD. Also, asthma and allergies. I can wear a mask and goggles and still get some of those reactions. It can take me a few days to finish a room. Those few days, might take a week to get done.

Going out is also exhausting

On another day, I just needed to get out (yes, again!). We went in for a burger and had a great time, then ran into the store for a couple of things. When we got out, hubby reminded me to shower. I felt pretty good, just a little tired. Showered, then put the groceries away. Decided I best rest for a bit. Watched a little tv, then took my night meds.

In the morning I woke up with 2 swollen eyes, sob, and so tired. I could see out a crack of my left eye, so took my meds and went back to bed. I got up mid-afternoon, dragged myself to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth and back to bed. I think I got up when hubby came home. Had cereal and back to bed. An outing like this will put me down in bed for 2 – 3 days. If I struggle with breathing, I do go to the doctor. Just let me sleep.

I get down about it

This time, and possibly the one or even twelve experiences that I have, I can get a bit down. I tell my husband that no one can have these experiences, these reactions to the minor things, this often. This can happen if I go outside for 5 minutes or have someone come to visit with their scents. My patient husband reminds me that it’s always like this. That the doctors know it’s like this, that I should know it’s like this. A Mayo pulmonologist told me that she believes my severe allergies are what is triggering my COPD and exacerbations.

I want people to know that I’m okay

During these spells, I’m not able to see and sometimes even think enough to be online. I do have the crack in my left eye, so can look down, so I may post a picture on Facebook or Pinterest, but that’s only because I can see just a tad. Then people, especially family, know that I am okay. I know too, that I don’t dare respond to posts. I’ve tried that and when I read later, I sound like a drunk person. No I don’t drink and I’m not on drugs, aside from my regular meds.

This almost feels like a confession, letting people know why I go missing periodically. I want to ask though, do others go through similar things? Do you ever get to a point where you feel like you are physically going to crash if you don’t lay down? What do you experience?

What’s your happy place?

I do have a happy place, most of the time. Time with my husband and fur-babies is best. I so enjoy writing and crafts. Talking to my kids and grands makes the day go-round. Friends and others on the COPD sites or messaging is another highlight. I would love to hear your experiences about your happy places too!

How do you handle COPD’s emotional toll? Share with fellow community members here.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The COPD.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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