Fighting Those Roller Coaster Emotions
Crying my eyes out
Take a few days ago. I hadn't been sleeping well and got up feeling anxious and nervous. By lunch, I was crying my eyes out and still a blubbering wreck in the late afternoon. If my husband said something I would take it to heart and think he was having a go at me (he wasn't at all). I physically couldn't do anything - not even peg the washing out (hang the laundry). I sat on the seat crying.
Living with COPD is so difficult - no two days are the same. I can no longer make plans weeks ahead or in fact a few days ahead. Though I do make plans to exercise daily, yet even that gibbering tearful day I could not exercise.
Structure and routine
Maybe I had things on my mind that came to the surface without me realizing it - I'm not sure. But what I do know is my emotions have gotten worse with my COPD. I'm one of those that has always had structure and routine as a big part of my life, things I need to this day. Whilst I'm writing this I'm beginning to realize my structure and routine is not as it usually is. I like and need to be in control of my life. Not someone dictating when I can or cannot go out, how and when to shop, or self isolate for 12 weeks. Pressure on our lives equals emotional turmoil.
That is such a plus
As I struggle to keep control, I'm getting stronger mentally. When I exercise I'm getting stronger physically and mentally as it gives you that adrenaline rush and a feeling of achievement. That is such a plus.
Now that my tearful blubbering day has passed I can now get on with living my life to the best of my abilities. No two days are the same which is a struggle, but sure enough, life is not boring. Remember it's ok to cry, to sob your heart out. It's part of our human instinct. But also remember we're living with a serious illness which takes all our energy to get through the day. Plus lack of sleep will also cause our emotions to change.
Keep stepping forward
Right now it seems to be 2 or 3 good days then an emotional or a ratty one where I have a pop at the hubby for no apparent reason. So it's ok to have emotional days. We're human and we're putting our best foot forward. Don't dwell on the bad as it's part of us and it's part of living with COPD. Tell yourself daily that you're doing the best that you can. Right now we're living in a world that is really new to us all and we have to adapt our daily lives to COPD. Stay strong and keep stepping forward.
Editor's Note: We are heartbroken to share that Debz passed away in October of 2021. She is deeply missed but her positivity and resilience live on through her articles. Thank you for everything, Debz.
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